Monday, 30 November 2009

Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars, Gays are from?

I might be talking bullshit (nothing out of the ordinary) and I don't want to offend anyone, but:

As I’ve mentioned recently, we got internet connection at my new place now. So, I spent some time wandering around to various silly websites. One, of the websites I checked is ‘craiglist’. I don’t know why but I don’t use this website often. I’m familiar with ‘gumtree’ but not with ‘craiglist’...

Anyway, in case you haven’t checked, there are personal ads there as well. I don’t want to comment on the fact about the existence of these ads. What I want to comment is the difference of the ads themselves between gay people, straight men and straight women!

First category – straight men:

There are some ads that are slightly naughty and a bit cheeky like ‘Come to my office for interview. :-)’. There are some slightly more romantic declaring they want a relationship / romance like the ‘young professional male seeks women for romance’. Although he does mention ‘women’ instead of ‘woman’…
In general, I think that sex is implied but never mentioned directly. Some men mention that they are looking for relationship. Most pictures attached are very generic of couples holding hands, faces or even landscapes. Some are slightly more naughty with genitalia shown.

Second category - straight women:

Most of the times a relationship is wanted. Sex rarely is implied and never directly. For example even the post about ‘visiting woman in London’ is about advice where to go and what to do, not for sex as my dirty mind thought at first. There are even some ads about the knight in the shining armor. Women as expected are in general more romantic and frank. Women talk about how good they are in housekeeping and how they can be a loyal companion to lonely hearts. Even the ones asking for a one night stand do it in a classy, subtle manner…

Third Category – gay men:

As seen here words like ‘wank’, ‘suck’, ‘horny’, ‘cocksucker’ and ‘arse’ are mentioned. Sex is bluntly offered with no strings attached. Vast majority of the pictures attached are (as expected) of naked people in various forms of ‘entertainment’. Sometimes you have to admire some people’s creativity in taking pictures…
You really have to look for words like ‘relationship’, ‘companionship’ or ‘date’ which are not easily found. This is not something unexpected if you are gay and been around just a while (not a lot). However, I find it a little bit sad. There are gay people out there wanting more than a blowjob in a Eurostar train. How difficult is it for them to find it?
And even if you are one of the adventurous ones needing a shag in the train home, is that bad? Do you lose your dignity by trying to get what you want?
And it’s not like gay men are sexually repressed and can only find sex online… From ‘grindr’ to dark rooms, sex is everywhere… I’m not a sociologist or a psychologist but it troubles me a bit. A gay man’s sexuality, in a way, defines a major part of his life, but to what extend?

I’ve also checked the ‘women seeking women’ link. There are so few ads there. On average, each day of the week has one or two ads tops. Aren’t there enough lesbians to post ads or do they just find other ways to look for what they want?

(I do apologise for the quality of the print previews)


  1. Ha, I was talking to some friends about this the other day. It seems like the gays just dont care because generally they use those ad services for one off's rather than relationships. It's probably for the best too. Do you really want a long committed relationship with someone who thinks the best way to get a bloke into bed is by posting an advert with the header 'Horny Cocksucker' lol


  2. If you're looking for love, romance and relationships on a site using tiny blurbs with rarely a pic to attract "mates", you've lost before you even started to play. Ask yourself what kind of person honsetly thinks they're going to get responses to 'SWM, 41, looking for love. Could you be the one?" yeah, that tells us anything....This site is a tool and the people who use it may use it for sex, but you can't pigeonhole the whole gay world because of one site that attracts men who like quick easy hookups (and there's nothing wrong with that anyway.) I think we often mistake gay men as being "more about sex" when they're just more comfortable about wanting, needing discussing and having sex. To put it bluntly, a lot of the rest of society is sexually stunted and repressed...i think it's celebratory to be whole humans who aren't afraid of our bodies, our sex drives and our ability to seek and obtain pleasure with and from one another. I'll take being labeled as an oversexed "pervert" any day to being a repressed, uptight, celibate slave to social "norms."

  3. I'm with Breenlantern. Straight guys have to be cagey when talking about what they want as straight women wouldn't respond to the frank talking that gay man can make on the subject. I've spoken at length about this with straight male friends and they are incredibly jealous that gay men can be honest about what they're after (if what that is is sex) and not have to hide behind words they don't really mean.

    And each to their own. If you want a relationship you'd be daft to reply to ads with cock pictures. It's common sense.

    Be thankful that if you just want a shag it's much easier to find as a gay man than a straight one. And if you want a relationship you still have that option too. Hurrah!

  4. I agree with that. I believe that gay men are more in terms with their sexuality, probably because they've been through the process of accepting it, than taking it for granted. That is why it's more out there, than in straight people.

  5. I'd go as far as to say it's a male thing.

  6. Craigslist is huge in certain cities in the US. It's single-handedly killed the "classified ad" in newspapers, since it's free and simple to use. I've bought and sold all sorts of things there (just not sex ;-P ).

    You're right, the M4M section is super-seedy. It always is, but that's because it's become a defacto "hookup" list, not a "dating" service. On the bright side, you can visit just about any city with an active CL site and get laid in under an hour. Of course, you may walk away with something fun, like chlamydia. ;-P