Africa calling

When dating someone of different origin there can be differences of culture, ideas, language and upbringing. These can be an obstacle for some people who have the need to communicate in their mother language to their other half and share anecdotes, jokes, recipes, widely known facts from their country etc. However, these differences to me act in the exact opposite way. I find people from other countries interesting. I love learning about their culture, their customs, language and history. Since coming to London I never dated another Greek. I don’t usually hang out in places that Greeks frequent and it was easier to find people from various other backgrounds, since London is well known for that.

Anyway, ‘JJ’ is from South Africa but has been living in London for many years. We get along amazingly well and we had discussed in the past about visiting his country. It’s only fair since we’ve been in Greece so many times already! It hasn’t been easy to plan this trip because it can be a bit expensive, especially the flights, and it also demands lots of free available days. However, the time has come and we will be going to SA very soon!!! I’m so excited, you can only imagine! I’ve never been to Africa and the stories I’ve heard and documentaries I’ve seen are extraordinary!

So, we’ve booked our flights, a car and some days in various places around the countryside. We even plan to spend a couple of days in a wildlife nature reserve! I’m so looking forward to seeing Africa’s big five out in the open and not a small cage in a zoo! I hope we’ll even get a chance to see whales or even sharks. Apparently if you’re lucky there’s not even a need to take a boat since there are bays where these massive mammals and fish are visible from the shore! It’s going to be so great!

What’s also really interesting and special about our trip is the fact that we’ll stay a couple of days at JJ’s parents’ place. It’s going to be a first for all of us. JJ never took a guy he’s dating to see his parents and I’ve also never met ‘parents’ in my life. So, we’re all a bit excited and nervous at the same time. His mother already said she’s planning the menu for the days we’ll be staying there and sounds welcoming. But as far as I understood we’ll be staying in different rooms and most likely act like good friends / housemates.

I don’t really have a problem with that to be honest. We’re not a couple that displays lots of affection in public anyway. I’ve never been the type of person that shows easily his emotions in public and under their roof, I’ll play by their rules. But I believe they will in generally like me if given a chance. I can be a nice, likeable person if I want to. However, they will meet me after a very (very) long flight…

So, for the next couple of weeks before the trip, I have some preparations to do. I need to learn some more Afrikaans. I know some very basic words and phrases, but I’d like to learn more. I also want to learn something more about the history of the country and its geography. Plus, I need some ‘safari’ clothes like cargo pants and boots. I don’t want any nasty surprises of snakes biting me while walking around.

Speaking of which, JJ’s been crazy the last few days with animal documentaries. OK, he’s always been a massive fan of channels like ‘National Geographic’ or ‘Animal Planet’  but this time it’s different. Every night for the last few days we’ve been watching footage of wild animal attacks, high majority of which happen to humans in wild animal parks! He told its part of my training! Lol… I’ve seen elephants charging in jeeps in South Africa, lions attaching tourists in central Africa, sharks eating swimmers in Australia and massive snakes biting people in Central America!

The elephant in the room

I work in IT, or ICT as they call it now, since it includes communications as well. It's all very excited (or geeky) I know. My manager has 49 people to report to him. That's quite a group, especially when we occasionally go to the pub. We manage to populate most of the venue we go to and we create quite some noise there. Most of them are really nice people; however I am the only 'gay in the village'! All the rest have girlfriends, fiances or wives that they sometimes bring along or mention quite often. And since we are in IT, the vast majority are male. I think that there are only 3 women in the team. One of which was an old co-worker of mine from my previous job. 

So, in such a heterosexual and geeky group, I was reluctant to talk about 'J', before I tested the waters. However, the very first day I joined, I heard from a team leader of the group a nasty comment about lesbians. It was one of these ridiculously unfunny 'Beavis & Butt head' quality jokes that you hear from a developer with no social skills whatsoever. Some similar stupid jokes were heard during the following months as well. So, I decided against talking about my personal life, especially at the beginning. I wanted to pass my probation period, get to know these people better and then start opening up.

A couple of weeks ago we were again in the pub. After a couple, or more, of drinks they started talking about the only female developer we have to another developer of my age. She wasn't present at that outing and they knew that he was single and they were trying to set him up with her. Apart from me, everybody else taking part in that discussion were either married or engaged. He was being a bit reluctant about her (can't blame him), but it then occurred to me that I was excluded from the available candidates for her. They didn't ask me about my relationship status and they didn't offer to set me up with her. So, I either do look gayer than I thought or the ex-co-worker spilled the beans about me and some people already know.

So, last week, when we were at the pub again, a colleague and his fianc￩, also working on the same company but in a different department, asked me about my holidays. They asked me who I am going with, a girlfriend or friends. My reply was: my boyfriend. Then came that small pause, you know, the few seconds more than normal that it took them to reply something like 'that's nice'! I briefly told them about JJ and mentioned the fact that it's not out in the open yet because of that team leader, I mentioned earlier. Oh, I am going to tell him eventually, just not yet! I was glad I've talked to them even if I now know that a secret known by 3 at least co-workers, is not a secret anymore.

However, even after all this time, there is a small triumphant feeling when successfully coming out to people even if they are simple work colleagues.

A letter to my father

I was thinking recently about writing a letter to my father. That thought came to me when I realised that he is no longer talking to me. To be honest he never was very good on keeping contact. He doesn’t generally like talking on the phone and he would never text. It’s a common family joke that he must be one of the worst customers of mobile phone companies. He never even comes close to finish the few free minutes and text messages he’s given by his contract.

Since I moved to England my mother calls or texts almost every single day. I know it’s a bit excessive. We don’t talk for long. She just wants to check that I’m fine and occasionally she’ll ask whether I had dinner (?) and how are my job and the weather. It’s a typical Greek thing. She does the same to my brother. After she watches the day’s evening news, she picks up her phone and calls her children and sister. It’s a ritual she follows.

During these calls she’ll occasionally give the phone to my father making him talk to me. He normally doesn’t have lots to say. The vast majority of times, he’ll ask me how happy I am at my job, how’s that going and give me a series of the same advice every single time. He’ll mention that I should be responsible, punctual, well-mannered and try to maintain a somewhat offensive stance. That means that I should try to get involved in as many projects as possible and try to always be enthusiastic and positive about my job.

We never talk about personal things. He will never ask how I am personally and if I’m happy in my life. According to his life theory, if you’re happy in your job, there is nothing else to worry about. There is no room for such ‘silly’ things like insecurities, fears or stress. I don’t even think he understands the concept of personal counselling or psychologists (sorry Dr. Spo). While I was growing up everything that had to do with feelings or sentimentalities were left to my mother. Don’t get me wrong. My father does love me and my brother. He will just not show it much. I had a very nice childhood and I am very grateful for it.

Throughout my life I’ve tried and mostly succeeded in making him proud of me. I had good grades in school. They have never seen me drunk and I’ve never taken drugs (apart from a visit to Amsterdam). I’ve never been in serious trouble. I studied, found a decent job and I’m mostly in control of my life. That means that I’ve ticked most of the boxes that most parents ask of their children. I do owe to him any integrity I have as a person.

However, he never saw coming that I could be homosexual and he hasn’t forgiven me for it. Since I came out two years ago, there is a huge elephant in the room that we might share. The situation hasn’t improved with time. On the contrary, since he learnt that I was packing to move in with JJ he hasn’t spoken to me on the phone, at all which is a record for us. Even now, that my mother is in the hospital for an operation (it all went well and she’s recovering) he only texted me to tell me that my mother is OK and she will call me whenever she can.

I have grown a thicker skin and I can live with my father not generally speaking to me much, maintaining a non-personal relationship. I’m beginning to realise that probably he doesn’t know me that much to see how happier I am as a person now. Maybe I didn’t let him to get to know me that much or maybe he didn’t try as much as he should have. There is no point in telling him now of my sleepless nights as a teenager and young adult and all these worries I had then. I don’t want to tell him how better-off I am as a person since I came out primarily to myself and accepted who I am. If I told him all that, it would be like apologising or defending myself. I don’t feel I need to do that…

Anyway, I might not giving him enough justice. I’m trying to see things from his point of view. I’ll give him all the time he needs. We’ll see how things turn out…
 

There’s no place like home

with so much drama…

So, I went back to Greece last weekend. It was all very nice. The weather was warm and sunny. I caught up with some old friends. Most of them feel trapped in the current financial situation and complain about it. The market is still suffering and there aren’t many jobs. One ex-university colleague and very good friend will most likely make a move and try to find a job in London. We’re already rewriting her CV in English and plan when and where to start applying. So, you might hear of her later on this year. I will be living with ‘JJ’ till then but he gladly offered her a place to stay at the beginning of her new life abroad!

During my visit I even went swimming. Last Monday, that same friend who’s thinking of moving to London, pick me up with her car and after sorting some errands she had, we headed to the beach. Because it was Monday, the place wasn’t very busy but nice and quiet. We planned her future and thought of possible solutions to her problems. It felt a bit weird but very nice lying under the sun. Some days earlier, in London, I was feeling the autumn coming. Now, I was in my swimming trunk half naked feeling warm.

My happy feet by the sea

Anyway, the wedding was really nice. The ceremony took place outside the city, in a farm, under the trees. The only downside was the slight smell coming from the livestock. However, there was a slight breeze in the air, who was very welcome. The reception was in a nearby restaurant / bar, under the trees. Since it was my cousin’s wedding there were many relatives I hadn’t seen in ages. So, I had to spend some time simply greeting one aunt or another. And I do have a lot…

The day before the wedding, I went for a walk with my mother, alone. We had decided to visit some local shops and my father’s never in the mood to join us. After walking for quite a bit, we sat in a nearby coffee place. After sharing some general gossips, I decided to talk to her about ‘JJ’ and that we’re moving in. It didn’t go as smoothly as planned…

lovely unhealthy food.

What I haven’t mentioned because I am still a bit in denial, is my current health situation. During my latest health check for my new company, the doctor found that my bad cholesterol levels are high, very high. This can only be caused by my bad genes since I am fairly young and active. OK, I have some extra kilos that I could live without, but in any case the situation shouldn’t be that bad. He suggested a special diet, which in case it didn’t work I should start taking medication. That completely freaked me out. I’ve just turned thirty. I can’t be taking pills for the rest of my life! I simply can’t. So, I was thinking of visiting a dietician and give that a go. If that doesn’t work in a year, we’ll see.

I mentioned that to my mother first before ‘JJ’. I didn’t mention how high my cholesterol is. I didn’t want to completely freak her out. I told her that it is slightly higher than the limit. She was generally fine by it. We agreed that I shouldn’t ignore it and that I should also warn my brother to get a blood test. She was even fine with me taking pills. She wasn’t fine about ‘JJ’ though.

teddy bears drying upside down...

What she first said was: ‘here we go’! Then she asked me about JJ. She wanted to know his age and profession! She added that my father is completely freaked out about the whole thing and there is no way she can calm him! She even asked me what to tell people!!!! At that point I got really annoyed! I hoped that my health would be more important as an issue, even if I tried to sugar coat it a bit. Also, I thought that when selecting a partner there are more important things than his age and job! Of course she didn’t like the fact that JJ is older than me. She made him sound like a pervert taking advantage of poor innocent me! I know that probably I shouldn’t have but I stopped the conversation then and there. I should have been more patient…

I spent more time alone with my mother but the issue wasn’t brought up again. My father was as distant as he normally is. The only personal thing he told me was that I’ve gotten fat the last months (always nice to hear)! The three of us went for dinner and spent time together, but the conversations circled around my new job and other general topics. No, there wasn’t a large elephant in the room!

The night I had the conversation with my mother I couldn’t sleep. I was annoyed and angry. It was also very hot and humid so I spent the night twisting and turning, sweating. The next day I relaxed though and gained a better perspective. I also managed to put on my thicker skin. My father’s freaking out because he lives in a very homophobic environment. Because of him, my mother is afraid to reach out to me. However, I’m very certain that I am doing the right thing moving in with ‘JJ’. They can’t change my mind about this. I also have the support of my friends and my brother. I’m not going to apologise and be defensive about my decisions which are only affecting me at the end of the day.

I’m not going to stop talking to my parents. I love them and I know that in their own way they love me as well and want the best for me. The day before I left, I bought them a camera to start video calls. We haven’t tried it yet, but we will, probably this weekend.

Two days to go…

Ok, is that bad?
I’m counting the days to my holiday.

Anyway, I don’t want to upset all the hard working people out there so I will stop…

OK, once more… 2 days to go…

I can’t help it…


Anyway, the happy news of the day is about Ricky Martin. You must have heard it, so I’m not going to talk about it…


What I’d like to comment more is a discussion I had with ‘big M’s girlfriend on Saturday night. It took place in a bar, right before going to the club. We were quite tipsy by then, I must add…
She: ‘big M’ is quite happy that you and ‘gb’ came along tonight. It showed him that you are more than just colleagues.
Me: Well, we got along really well from the beginning. We did spent some really nice nights out in the past as well
She: Don’t remind me. I can still remember that I was feeling a bit weird about the night that ‘big M’ spent at gb’s.
(after going out and getting drunk)
‘Gb’: What?
She: Well, I know that he spent the night over at yours and it’s the first time he’s actually spending time with gay people. I couldn’t but feel a little threatened! Don’t get me wrong. At first I thought that ‘gb’ would be a threat because he is always ‘out there’ speaking about sex and making dirty jokes (yes, gb can be like that). Then, I met you Nik and I realized that probably ‘big M’ is exactly your type.
‘gb’: Yes, Nik likes his men big and hairy.
Me: Don’t listen to him. I’d never do anything like that.
She: Well, I just couldn’t help myself... I can’t help feeling insecure sometimes.

To be totally honest I find big M to be quite hot. He’s tall, hairy, muscled with green eyes. He’s also doing a triathlon for charity later this year. However, he’s a mate (and straight and in a happy relationship). I’d never do anything like that. I’ve never made a pass on someone in a relationship (that I knew about). I also don’t think I have never made a pass on a real friend, gay or straight.

OK, I had a crush (or two) on a straight friend in the past but I never did anything about it. Maybe it’s the unattainable feature that can be so appealing. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s a gay fantasy to seduce a previously straight guy. (How straight can he be if he’s seduced?) It worries me slightly that ‘big M’ girlfriend thought that I was a threat to her. Maybe it was more obvious to her, probably from my body language that I liked him.


I don’t know if it’s just me, but after I get into the ‘friendship’ zone I can’t easily go back. If something has to happen with someone, it has to happen in the beginning of our acquaintance. OK, I have friends that I’ve slept with, like the Brazilian, but that’s just an unsuccessful relationship. We tried it and it didn’t work out. We’re good friends now but it didn’t start like that.

That is the reason that I’ve never slept with ‘gb’ and I’ll probably never will. Many of our common friends have commented about it, asking how we can be good friends and nothing more ever happened. Maybe it’s a gay thing that friends after a while, during a drunken session do sleep together. Funnily enough, ‘big M’ even placed a bet on us. He believed that we would sleep together in the next month or so (he lost the bet). He still owes us dinner and drinks for that.

However, even if I do believe that an amazing relationship can evolve from a good friendship, it’s very difficult to happen though and it never happened to me.

Growing up…

For New Year’s Eve in 2000 I was in Zurich, Switzerland, with my parents celebrating the millennium extravaganza. In general, I was

• 19 years old
• In my second year in Polytechnic School trying to become a topographer / land surveyor / cartographer
• I had a girlfriend called ‘Maria’ of already 3 months (we lasted 6 – don’t ask me how)
• A frightened closeted gay (I couldn’t even speak to my closest and dearest friends)
• Between partying and school, I remember worrying about my professional future and how I’d cope with my military service (the stories that were being repeated from the army were dreadful)
• Quite insecure, not feeling good in my own skin and worried about what others thought of me
• Not very close to my brother

OK, not everything was bad. I had a great time studying. It was the first time not living with my parents since I was studying in a different city and I liked the subjects I picked. That included staying up late watching the sunrise chatting with mates, partying until morning hours, going to gigs etc.

For New Years Eve in 2010 I was in my parent’s house (not that impressive) with friends and family.
I am

• 29 years old
• Having started a career in traffic engineering / software development
• I (think I) have a boyfriend of (slightly over) a month
• I am out to my parents, brother, colleagues and most of my friends. The rest that do not know, are people I don’t really care about
• I am not that worried about the future and I know I survived the experience of being in the army
• More secure and stable. I still care about what people think of me as long as these people are close friends or my brother
• After my brother’s divorce and me coming out to him, we have a very good relationship that I know will last

I have some very nice things planned for 2010. After having successfully finished two 10k runs this autumn, I’ve already registered for a half marathon for charity in March. I am not training for it as much as I’d like (its freezing cold outside) but I hope that I’ll successfully finish it. I hope to be able to register this autumn for a whole marathon in London for spring 2011.

I also want to acquire an extra certificate to improve my software development skills before the end of summer and start looking for a job if things stay the same where I am now. I was promised in a way, some serious training and some improvement to my job title but I do not know if these will be delivered. We’ll see… The last training organized by my company was about ‘time management’. Yes, it was as ridiculous as it sounds…

Anyway, I’ve also recently done a review of the people I’ve slept with, cried for (not always literally) and spent many hours with in 2009. I don’t know if you are / were single that year, but it is quite fun doing a list like that. I am going to be amazingly honest with you and admit that I’ve ‘known’ eleven men this year including all one night stands I’ve had. I’m not really the type of person that will regularly go to a club / bar to hook up with men and I don’t sleep with people on a first date (that doesn’t always happen). I don’t know if that number is too big or too small (and I don’t care that much to be honest – it’s just a fact). On average is a little less than one guy per month which doesn’t sound that many, especially according to some gay standards. Some of these men are actually the same as 2008 (I always end up things in a civil way leaving a door of communication open). Thankfully, I remember all of their names and some background information on them. So, what’s your magic number? (please don’t make me sound like a slut)

I blame the iphone…

I knew that there was some talk (behind my back) at my office about me being gay. I never openly discussed about it to anyone (it wasn’t their concern anyway) but I didn’t try to hide it either.

There was a new employee in the company, so me and ‘gb’ (my other gay colleague) took him out to the pub a couple of times to make him feel welcome. Most of these nights ended with us getting drunk, having a very nice time and laughing our hearts out. I can’t remember exactly what was being discussed but I know that at that time I was having problems with ‘L’ so it could be the case that I did mention him.

That new employee at another time in the pub, when I was not there, asked my manager (yes MY manager) if I was gay (very subtle – I know). I know that he avoided to answer the question saying that he doesn’t know / doesn’t care / never tried to find out but was sure that ‘gb’ is gay. So, the can of worms opened and other discussions followed…

A couple of weeks later, ‘gb’ as a trendy gay boy of our time bought a new iphone and immediately fell in love with it. He carried around it everywhere showing it off to everyone. So, the following Friday at the pub, the new iphone was a topic of discussion. One of the junior programmers wanted to play with it, so he started checking its applications, being curious about them and opening a few…

If you cannot see where that is going I will give you a hint: ‘Grindr’!
Of course ‘gb’ had downloaded the application (he is gay after all).
Most of the guys already heard about it since it was mentioned in ‘Top Gear’. The moments that followed were so surreal, I cannot even begin to comprehend them. My manager, the junior programmer and some other male and very straight colleague were trying to check people out on ‘Grindr’ and set ‘gb’ up with them!

It was simply hilarious!!!! The comments that they were making were to die for. They were talking about things like people’s abs or cock sizes… After we stopped pissing ourselves laughing we had the discussion about gay mentality, their (possible) obsession with gym / cosmetics / taking care of themselves / sex cruising and everything was simply in the open…

That’s my coming out story to my company. I don’t believe it’s very conventional (or intentional) but it was very funny. Now, most of the people know that me and ‘gb’ are gay but it was never an issue. The next chapter of that story is how ‘D’ (guy I was dating) came to meet us at the pub and how my manager was buying us drinks…

Did I just chicken or made the right choice?

As I’ve mentioned recently, I had my parents visiting London. It was the first time that we spent time together after I came out to them. When I told them, my father’s reaction I think wasn’t very good nor bad. As I always do, I feared for the worse but fortunately, that didn’t happen. I feared that we might end up in an emergency room with my mum having a heart attack (known issue), my father beating the crap out of me, kicking me out of the house, disowning me and other similar stuff. They just appeared disappointed, worried and heartbroken. As I said, I don’t blame them, since they do not know any better. That of course made think that I should make them know better and see what kind of a life a gay guy can have…

So, they arrived a week ago and stayed in a nearby hotel. They do like their independence. I believe that in general we had a really nice time. I took them for a day trip in Cambridge, had a Korean BBQ (the one that the waitress cooks the food in your table), amazing Sunday lunch in ‘Blue Elephant’ (If you haven’t tried it, you should), Christmas shopping in Westfields and Carnaby Street, wandering around in the center and other similar things not easily found in Greece.

One of the highlights of their stay was ‘Blue Elephant’ where the atmosphere and food are amazing. They also got the chance there to meet some of my friends and see how wonderful people they are. I don’t know what they expected, but it made them happy to see that I am having a really nice time here and I have good friends to take care of me in case something happens. Before that day, my mother asked me twice if I’m enjoying my stay in London or being forced to do so, implying in a way that I am self exiling myself for being gay from conservative Greece. It was slightly funny, because both times she asked me, she came close to me (so that my father couldn’t hear in case I have something to confess that I didn’t like him listening) opened her eyes really wide and said ‘Are you OK?’ in a very serious tone. Both times I casually replied that I am great, loving my new place, liking my job and having a really good time, giving her an honest answer that satisfied her.

These two times are the only times the ‘gay issue’ was implied, but never openly discussed. I didn’t know whether I should bring up the subject since I knew it was on everybody’s mind and possibly ruin the day and their trip, or not. I’ve decided that it would be better to let them accept it first, let more time pass and bring it up when they are ready to discuss it. On the other hand, I could say something to notify them that it’s not a phase that will pass and take them out of the ‘denial’ that they might be in. Without traumatizing them by showing them the whip and dildo I have in my top drawer (just kidding)(for the dildo only) I could mention something like being in the process of dating, or something…
Anyway, I didn’t…

Parents…

I’m waiting for my parents to come and visit me for a week starting today. It’s going to be an interesting week since now it’s the first time I’ll be seeing them after I came out to them in summer. I really don’t know what to expect. In the past when they visited me, I had the usual talk about when I’m going to find a nice wife, go back to Greece, if I’m truly happy with my life and all the rest. I don’t know why but they had the impression that I didn’t like living in London and somehow I was forced to stay. Maybe they were just projecting their fears and worries saying that.

So, I’ve been making some preparations before their visit. Thankfully enough they are the type of people that like their independence. They’ll be staying in a hotel (I wouldn’t expect it otherwise) and they know their way around. Both speak the language very well and I do not fear about them getting lost or not knowing what to do in case something happens. They’ve also been to London lots of times and they know the center very well.

That means that for the last days I’ve been trying to find different things to do than the normal visitor’s touristic stuff. I booked tables in restaurants that offer something slightly different, arranged a day trip outside the city and they will also meet some of my friends. I want them to see that I’m having a good time here, or let’s say a good life.

I know that it shouldn’t be like that and I’m slightly embarrassed to say that but I am still looking for their approval, maybe more now than before. I’ve reached a certain age that I’m leading my own life and to be honest it shouldn’t be like that, but I just can’t help it. I’ve spent the last two days driving my housemate crazy cleaning and tidying our place and stressing over minor things. I know that it’s going to be ok, but I deep down inside worry about it. I just know that my parents are not getting any younger and I will not have them around forever.

On a school night…

Yesterday it was pay day for my company. This fact by itself is a reason to celebrate! September’s been quite long to be frank with the aftermath of me coming out to my parents, coming back from summer vacation, ‘D’ leaving London after spending a nice summer together, ‘Mr. T’ entering and exiting my life and the trip to Glasgow…

So, in order to celebrate that fact, yours truly, ‘gb’ and another colleague / drinking buddy, we headed to ‘Be @ 1’, a nice local cocktail bar. It was happy hour, meaning that for each cocktail you ordered, you were offered a second one for free (purely bliss)!

Because we don’t know any better, we decided to go for three rounds of cocktails, since it’s just a school night and we should call it a night early. However, every single round meant two cocktails each and of course based on a different alcoholic beverage. So, we ended up having a round of a rum based cocktail, then vodka based and finally tequila based! All well really, really nice!

I believe that mentioning their effect on us is not considered necessary… We had lots of fun though…


We ended our night in the local pub for dinner (we so needed to eat something after that) and a couple of pints…

I think that I have all this alcohol still running through my veins. On top of that, tonight is gym day with ‘gb’ and our personal trainer! That would be so much fun!!!! I already think that today’s session will not go THAT well…
I wonder why…

New beginnings

I still have a weird feeling of anticipation and that something is on its way…

‘D’ has left. I saw him once more his last night here to say a final goodbye. He wasn’t feeling that great since it wasn’t his decision to go. However, we said our civilized goodbyes and promised to keep in touch. We also had goodbye sex (I like the fact that sex now can be characterized – pity sex, friendly sex, meaningless sex etc).

The ‘GingerMan’ has reappeared. I had the impression that he was gone for good since he said about trying to get back with his ex and not contacting me for more than 2 weeks. He wanted to talk to me about his problems with his ex (?) and particularly about their sex life (????). He then started asking questions about my personal life, if I had sex since meeting him (?) and trying to get tantalizing details about what I did (????).
‘I am sorry but when did we become best friends and I missed the memo?’.
Am I overreacting? OK, we chatted for almost a week through messages about irrelevant stuff (I don’t see describing sexual fantasies as a base to a good friendship), we met once that went well, but since then he made it clear that he wanted to keep his distances.
Now, he’s back probably because he’s horny and his ex is not replying to his attempts of reconciliation. That’s fair enough, but I don’t think that it’s me he should address his issues with his ex. I really don’t want to hear about it, I’m sorry.
Am I wrong here?
OK, maybe I am being a bit harsh, but on my defense I fancied the guy and he turned his back on me after I’ve told him the troubles I’ve been going through while I was coming out. Why should I stand by him with his problems with his ex now? And it’s problems with his ex! If it was something else…

Anyway…I’m in contact with a new guy we’ll call ‘Mr. T’. After all, I am feeling the wind of change as I’ve said. I want to see how that will work out before having a post about him. I think that I am in need of something more stable emotionally at the moment… Let’s hope for the best…

Back to reality….

I’ve landed yesterday to a rainy London. I would expect that I would be sad coming back, but to be honest, I’m not. It’s a relief being again on my own and taking control of my life. While I was in Greece, I was constantly stressed about continuing the same conversation with my parents about me being gay. After we had the first, big discussion, they would ask me weird, personal questions at any given time. For example, while having breakfast a few days later my mother asked me if I had tried having sex with a woman and how that went! That is NOT a conversation you have with your mum, while you are still half asleep and trying to enjoy a cup of coffee!!! (I am not going to write my reply). In general though, things are looking good. They just need some time. They are probably coming to visit me in November as well.

Apart from that, there are some other things that happened while I was away. In the beginning, I was trying to keep in contact with the GingerMan but his responses were not as warm as expected. So, a few days later on, I found him online on msn and confronted him about that (I was in such a state after the whole thing with my parents). He admitted not contacting me much and trying to keep his distances. He said that he thinks that I am boyfriend material and he would like to get to know me more, but his ex contacted him recently and he was kind of confused. He said that his ex can get under his skin and that the timing of us meeting was not the best. I do not know if he was being honest or not but I will not spend much time trying to figure it out (again – I am in such a state). I told him that I will give him the time and space he needs (meaning I will stop contacting him) and in case he wants, he knows where to find me. I added that we never talked about us going steady and that I just wanted to get to know him better (I’ve only seen him once). Anyway, I think that this might be the end of it…

After coming out to my parents, the GingerMan out of the way, ‘D’ unfortunately leaving in two days, I feel like there’s a wind of change blowing my way.

Unexpected...

My vacation in Greece did not go exactly as planned (that’s the least you can say)…

I’m having a really wonderful time. I will not deny that. I’ve been going to the beach every single day. I just love the sound of the waves, the sea breeze, enjoying a good book and checking out gorgeous guys with tiny swim trunks. I’ve been enjoying the company of close old friends as well. I’ve come to the conclusion that you do not have to see some people often to consider them a valuable friend. You might have months or even years to see someone, but after a few minutes of catching up, it’s like all that time did not pass. I’ve been blessed to have friends like that…

However, something happened that made this visit to my hometown slightly different.

I came out to my father two days ago. For some, this might not sound that important but to me it is. Others might say that I should have done that ages ago, since I’m now almost thirty, but some things take time. My mother had hinted in the past that she knows but we hadn’t openly talked about it until now. My father’s first reaction was not that good, but not that bad either. He is in his 60s, coming from a small town,he's educated, but he doesn’t know any gay people. The only gay person he knows is a cousin of his, now in his 70s, who’s a bit miserable, living on his own, not being able to stand his loneliness and desperation.

So, my father made me sit with him on the kitchen table and started his speech. In a nutshell, he told me that being gay was a one way route to loneliness and depression. That gay people are people mostly without morality or dignity, which live a life full of shame of being gay and end up without the support of friends or relatives. He then continued presenting me examples of gay people (from the news) that committed suicide or were brutally numbered as acts of homophobia or ended up being gigolos / prostitutes… Then, he started wondering what he did wrong as a parent and finished his speech telling me that I can change if I want to and I should try to change (yes, like hanging a shirt)…

I did try to reason with him in many occasions and tried to tell him where he was wrong (I think there’s no need to explain why and where - right?). He didn’t listen to me or wanted to listen to me, so I let him continue. When he finished, we kept on with our lives as normal, until today the subject was not brought up again. I’ve decided to let him get a bit more accustomed to the idea and then I might try to ‘educate’ him a bit.

The thing is that I understand that he is trying to be protective and he’s being a bit unreasonable without fault of his own. He doesn’t know any gay people and how being gay can lead you to a healthy life style (you know what I mean). He’s worried mostly of what might happen to me when they are not around to protect me. His main concern is my future and what I will do when I'm old. He kept on talking about old age, loneliness and depression. I can not be angry with him of course. I’ve decided to stand up for what I believe.

It could be my fault that we hadn’t had that discussion ages ago. It’s now my obligation to talk to him about me and my life and show him things, in due time, that he is not familiar with…This talk of course is not over… I have a lot of things to talk about with him...

I'm really fortunate though that I have the support of my brother. He's probably the one that can calm and reason with them and I know that he will talk to them in due time on my behalf.

Overall, I am happy I came out to them. Relieved and I know that the awkwardness will pass eventually...