Thursday, 20 August 2009

My last night with 'D'

I’m going away tomorrow…
Tonight it’s going to be my last night with my lovely ‘D’. He’s been my summer fling. I think I have mentioned him in the past.

I met him over a month ago online. He’s still studying, waiting to finish his final project to get his degree. Unfortunately, he’s studying at the university in his country so he has to go back. He’s been temporarily living in London doing an internship for these summer months to improve his CV. I knew from the start that there is an expiry date to our ‘acquaintance’ but I can’t stop having some feelings for him. He’s amazingly sweet and kind. Also, he has the most beautiful green eyes I’ve seen. Funnily enough he likes me too.

If I didn’t know that he was going away, I would have given it more effort and I would have tried to make it work. I would have stopped talking to people online or met the GingerMan. I know that I like ‘D’ but I do not think that is enough to make us try for a serious long distance relationship in case he’s back in 12 months. He desperately wants to come back to London after getting his degree so that he can start a career here.

However, this is just some thoughts since the job market now is very unreliable and without having a degree from a UK university it’s even harder to get a proper job here. Of course I haven’t told him that I worry that maybe his dreams will not easily come true. I’ve tried to advice him as best as I can and direct him on how to find online agencies or even career exhibitions. I hope for the best, but on the back of my mind I know the possibilities. It could be much easier for him to get a job in his hometown where his parents might know some people. London’s not that cheap and it’s not easy temporarily living here while you are searching for a job that will support you.

However, I don’t know him that well and we simply do not have the proper ‘foundations’ for a long distance relationship. I believe that we’ll stay in touch. I’m also seriously thinking of going to visit him in spring, but there is no way I can promise to him I’ll stay ‘loyal’ for that year. I believe that if you say you want to commit to a serious relationship you have to try and take that responsibility seriously. Otherwise, there is no point. I’ve already discussed it with ‘D’ about where we’re standing and he’s ok-ish with it, meaning that he doesn’t really want to leave. He knew I was still going online and chatting / flirting with people. He knew that I didn’t consider myself his boyfriend this past month. He doesn’t know about the GingerMan though.

Maybe, it’s me being selfish. Maybe I want it all and I don’t want to really make an effort. It’s easier and more fun meeting someone new than trying to maintain a long distance relationship. I simply don’t know. I just feel sad…

For the time being though, I want to take him for a nice dinner tonight and spend our last night together. I’m flying late in the afternoon tomorrow and we’ll also enjoy waking up together without having to rush for something. I will try to make the best of the night and try not to worry about the rest. (At least I’ll try and enjoy it)….


  1. aww. sounds like D was hoping for something more long distance. but I think you're right about it not really making sense. especially considering that you say you haven't really built the proper foundations for that type of relationship yet. i think that's a great idea to go visit him though. definitely stay in touch because who knows, a year from now he may very well be back in london and you can perhaps pick up where you left off with no expiration date. :)

  2. Yes,
    you're right about your comments. 'D' really wants something more, which unfortunately I don't think I can give. Staying in touch and probably visiting him is the best thing I can offer at the moment. I don't want to make easy promises I cannot keep.

    It would be really great if he could come... :-)