My ex's birthday

Yesterday it was my ex boyfriend’s birthday, ('L').
We had met through gaydar (www.gaydar.co.uk). It was quite random because we talked on a Saturday and we met the next day. I don’t usually do that. Normally, unless it’s for a sex date, I talk with people for a couple of days before actually meeting. It saves so much time since some people do look weird from the beginning…

It’s a very big and complicated story that I cannot really describe now. We had high points and many low points. I know that I tried a lot to make this work and to be honest, now, I do not see why I tried THAT hard. Our sex life was always not that good which by itself could be a reason to break up with someone. Also, I had received some slaps on my face in the process, like seeing him leaving with another guy we randomly met in a gay bar. However, he was kind and polite. He took care of me and I knew that I could rely on him if needed. He also offered me one birthday party that I’ll always remember.

All these came to an end in mid May when we had a terrible fight. All started when I left him to see that a drunken friend of mine was OK. We were getting more serious by then and started having a good connection leaving some problems in the past. I know that I shouldn’t have left him like that in a bus that was heading to his place but I couldn’t help it. If only I had asked of him to follow me there so many things would end up differently.

What I did that night made him extremely furious at me. That same night he texted me not to call him ever again. I tried to go to his place to talk about it, but he had his mobile turned off and later said that he didn’t know I was there. He spent the next day drinking, calling me at my mobile and swearing. One of the text messages that stayed with me was: “Fuck you, I’m drinking whisky”. “Fuck you, you and your friends”. In his drunken state he told me that the major issue is that I always put my friends before him and that he was not my priority. However, instead of trying to discuss it, we spent two days with him calling me, swearing at me and yelling. There was absolutely no form of communication whatsoever. I tried suggesting meeting but he didn’t want to.

I don’t want to go too much into detail. It still does hurt a bit. In a nutshell, after two days of spending hours and hours in the phone yelling and crying he agreed on meeting and talking about it. I was so emotionally drained though, that I didn’t want to do that anymore. Yes, it was me who ended it and rejected his later offers of reconsolidation. I know I probably did some mistakes that brought that fight but I am absolutely sure that I didn’t deserve to be called all these names and I saw a face of my ex that I never want to see again. I am not a saint but his immaturity with dealing with a simple fight (there will always be fights in any relationship) is what ended it.

After not having spoken in almost 4 months, he sent to me an infuriating text on 4:15 in Saturday morning, accusing me of everything (again) and about not wanting him in my life. He was drunk again and I had to read his text message 2 or 3 times to understand what he wanted to say. I didn’t reply to that.
I sent to him a typical happy birthday text message yesterday wishing him all the best and encouraging him to take care of himself. He replied with: ‘Thank you Nick’.
It’s a bit funny, but he never used my name when he was addressing to me. He always used nicknames. It’s like when a mother scolds her child by using both first name and surname to call him… He just used my name to show what he was feeling…