Thursday, 27 August 2009


My vacation in Greece did not go exactly as planned (that’s the least you can say)…

I’m having a really wonderful time. I will not deny that. I’ve been going to the beach every single day. I just love the sound of the waves, the sea breeze, enjoying a good book and checking out gorgeous guys with tiny swim trunks. I’ve been enjoying the company of close old friends as well. I’ve come to the conclusion that you do not have to see some people often to consider them a valuable friend. You might have months or even years to see someone, but after a few minutes of catching up, it’s like all that time did not pass. I’ve been blessed to have friends like that…

However, something happened that made this visit to my hometown slightly different.

I came out to my father two days ago. For some, this might not sound that important but to me it is. Others might say that I should have done that ages ago, since I’m now almost thirty, but some things take time. My mother had hinted in the past that she knows but we hadn’t openly talked about it until now. My father’s first reaction was not that good, but not that bad either. He is in his 60s, coming from a small town,he's educated, but he doesn’t know any gay people. The only gay person he knows is a cousin of his, now in his 70s, who’s a bit miserable, living on his own, not being able to stand his loneliness and desperation.

So, my father made me sit with him on the kitchen table and started his speech. In a nutshell, he told me that being gay was a one way route to loneliness and depression. That gay people are people mostly without morality or dignity, which live a life full of shame of being gay and end up without the support of friends or relatives. He then continued presenting me examples of gay people (from the news) that committed suicide or were brutally numbered as acts of homophobia or ended up being gigolos / prostitutes… Then, he started wondering what he did wrong as a parent and finished his speech telling me that I can change if I want to and I should try to change (yes, like hanging a shirt)…

I did try to reason with him in many occasions and tried to tell him where he was wrong (I think there’s no need to explain why and where - right?). He didn’t listen to me or wanted to listen to me, so I let him continue. When he finished, we kept on with our lives as normal, until today the subject was not brought up again. I’ve decided to let him get a bit more accustomed to the idea and then I might try to ‘educate’ him a bit.

The thing is that I understand that he is trying to be protective and he’s being a bit unreasonable without fault of his own. He doesn’t know any gay people and how being gay can lead you to a healthy life style (you know what I mean). He’s worried mostly of what might happen to me when they are not around to protect me. His main concern is my future and what I will do when I'm old. He kept on talking about old age, loneliness and depression. I can not be angry with him of course. I’ve decided to stand up for what I believe.

It could be my fault that we hadn’t had that discussion ages ago. It’s now my obligation to talk to him about me and my life and show him things, in due time, that he is not familiar with…This talk of course is not over… I have a lot of things to talk about with him...

I'm really fortunate though that I have the support of my brother. He's probably the one that can calm and reason with them and I know that he will talk to them in due time on my behalf.

Overall, I am happy I came out to them. Relieved and I know that the awkwardness will pass eventually...


  1. Way to go! Talking to your Dad must have been hard; the conversation with my Dad went the same exact way. So now I feel that living a great life is the best way to prove him wrong.

  2. Congratulations. I'm almost 25 and still haven't had that conversation with my parents.

  3. Well done. It´s a very brave thing to do and it´s never easy.

    It sounds like you´ve taken his reaction ok which is good; I can´t think of anyone who´s related a coming out tale like this to me that had their parents jumping for joy, mine included. My dad thought I wanted to be a woman.

    StevieB has it right; live your life as a good and worthwhile person and you will make him understand gay does not have to equate to sad or lonely. x

  4. Thank you for the comments and encouraging words. It feels so much better knowing other people that have been through the same thing (and actually survived the experience).

    I'm still in Greece at the moment. I'll post something new later on...

  5. it makes me sad that people/parents still think things like "being gay means you will be old and lonely." you can be depressed, old and lonely EVEN if you are straight. there are no guarantees in live, either way.

    agreed with dyl above; coming out is a tough process and very brave of you. have faith and your dad will come around. once he realizes that you are still the same "you", he'll get it. it just might take some time. for me, i was fortunate that my older brother came out years ahead of me and went thru the learning curve with my parents. when i came out, they just had to come to terms with the fact that not all gay people are the same or like the same things.

    hang in there1