Gay Politics

I work in a relatively big company. Our IT department is more than 100 people and if you add the Business Analysts, Project Managers and other related personnel, my immediate work colleagues are quite a few.  Of course, in this group there’s a number of homosexuals in various degrees of ‘closet-ness’. At first, of course I thought I was the only one. Then I met a couple of more gay people that told me about some other employees of the company. Yes, gossip is a favourite pastime for us as well.

In general, I‘m not overly open about my personal life. There’s an increasing number of colleagues that know about JJ and my life. However, these colleagues are the ones that I’m starting to develop a more friendly relationship with. In a way, I’m trying to keep my personal and professional life apart. I’m not sure why I do that. Especially in large groups, when other people talk about their husbands, wives or children I remain quiet. Would I still do that if I was in a heterosexual relationship? Maybe. And I say maybe because in my previous job I was openly gay. The company was tiny. We were 14 people all of us and I was generally more at ease there, but still didn’t talk about my personal life much. Some of my old colleagues had met JJ, but I still didn't talk much about him.

There are some other factors to consider about my current employment arrangements and secretive attitude. The very first manager I had was a weird character. I know him much better now and I can see his weird (?) sense of humour, but back then, he was intimidating. On my very first day he talked about the gayphone (iPhone to you and me) and about some dykes he used to know. These statements unsettled me and during that first week of employment I remained quiet about my personal life and it’s been like that ever since. I've also seen some backstabbing happening and I refuse to give to anyone any more ammunition.

As I mentioned before, I've now met some gay people in the office. And a couple of them want, in a way, to create a ‘brotherhood’. They want us to start meeting regularly for lunch or after work outings. Just us, the gays. I don’t generally object to that, but to be honest I’m not that eager to do it either. Just because they’re gay, it doesn’t really mean I like all of them. Also, I don’t think that marginalising ourselves like that is a very good thing. I wouldn't like to associate only with Caucasians, or only with males, or only with Greeks, or only with people that like comic books. Yes, it’s nice to have things in common with people you spend time with, but forming a clique is not something I’ll easily encourage.

I've decided to keep an open mind. My concern is the fact that one of the guys eager to create the brotherhood seems a bit sleazy. Maybe it’s just me being paranoid. I might go out with them for a drink or two and see how it goes. Every day lunch break might be a no no though… 

2013 in gay rights

During my last run, I was thinking of the year that will soon be over. I thought about where I was last year and where I am now. I thought of how grateful I should be about everything that’s been happening in my life. Especially compared to other parts of the world, which got me thinking: Was 2013 a good year for gay people around the globe?

As far as I can tell, the world has been making some steps forwards when it came to LGBT rights. If I remember correctly more USA states made civil unions legal. France agreed to legalise same sex marriages and adoptions. Same sex marriages became legal in England and Wales as well. If I’m not mistaken the first marriage will take place at the end of March next year. More and more countries agree to legalise same sex civil unions and support legislation opposing discrimination against LGBT people.

There were some headlines made by celebrities coming out to the public. The most recent example I can remember is of course the English diver Tom Daley. In the same category of people we have people like Wentworth Miller, Jodie Foster, Anderson Cooper and Jason Collins. It will be even better when people are coming out and no one will really care. But till then, positive and successful gay role models being introduced to the public is always a good thing. Gay closeted teenagers should know that there are people out there, good at what they do, with perfectly normal lives.

 Can you see more blues or yellows?

Unfortunately however, steps have been made in the opposite direction. Nigeria passed a law against same sex marriage. The Supreme Court in Australia ruled against same sex marriages as well, cancelling all weddings that had already taken place. What’s more infuriating is the fact that in India homosexuality is banned as illegal, in Uganda the anti-homosexuality billed passed and in Russia there’s a new law on “gay propaganda”. There was minor protest against Russia and the fact that they’re hosting this year’s Winter Olympics. People like Steven Fry were trying to make their countries boycott the event. There are some articles here and there, but to be honest I don’t think anything positive will come to that.

Overall, to answer my question, I'd say that 2013 was not a good year for LGBT people. In general, the so called Western civilisation is moving forward, when at the same time lots of gay people in some areas of the world are left to suffer. I fear though that the steps made backwards are greater than the steps made forwards. I've seen documentaries on how gay people live in Uganda or India. It's estimated that in India alone there are around 2.5 million gay people. The constant threat and fear is something which I can only imagine, but thankfully not see. I’m grateful of all these people that came before me, making the society I live in, not perfect, but accepting of me. I hope that 2014 might be a better year with only positive news on the matter. 

Alpha Gays...

There is something I’ve been thinking about lately, which I’m not sure how to describe because I don’t want to appear petty or jealous or something. I have mentioned in the past that I’ve been working out with a friend of mine (‘gb’) when we have our personal trainer sessions. It’s very nice sharing the PT. We might accomplish a bit less than working out alone, but at least it’s more fun and not to mention cheaper.  I don’t have that much in common with gb though. He’s a very nice guy and a good friend, but he can be too much of an attention seeker. He loves being the centre of attention, a party animal and constant club goer. He’s very fit and loves the gay scene and everything related. He is considered what I call an alpha gay, one of the people with the six packs who always manages to lose his t-shirt now and then to slightly show off.

‘Gb’ is of course not the only one in this category of people. He surrounds himself with similar people, some of which tend to be ridiculously superficial and fixated on looks. OK, I don’t know if surrounds is the right word, but at least he knows a few (many). He’s a gym bunny, so he knows lots of people that spend all their lives in the gym. The last time I went clubbing with him, he said hello to everybody missing various pieces of clothes and striking poses on the dance floor. I couldn’t but keep rolling my eyes to the things I heard. They’re like a brotherhood and you can only get access according to the muscle ratio of your body.

Since I am more of the nerdy / geeky and bearish kind of guy, I don’t generally fit in. I don’t put that much attention to my looks. Maybe I’m wrong and I should, but each to their own. I refuse for example to use an eyelash curler that I’ve seen a guy use in the gym. It’s getting a bit too much. However, what I refuse to accept is being openly rude and degrading. And I don’t even care much when that rudeness is targeting me. However, some things make me furious. I’ll give you a couple of examples.

While at the gym’s locker room, we had just finished our session and gb and I were getting ready to leave. One, of his friends, I’ll call him Ben, arrived and came over to talk to him. I was in my towel getting changed and the distance between me and a normal twink was very obvious. Ben gave me a very criticising look and checked me up from head to toes. ‘Gb’ introduced us, but Ben started talking to him only in French, completely ignoring me. Apparently, I wasn’t good enough. I can speak French, so I could understand what he was saying anyway (not anything of any importance) but that rudeness was inexplicable. Since then, I still run into Ben at the gym, but he pretends he doesn’t know me, which is fine by me. I don’t believe I’m missing much.

Recently, I met a new of my personal trainer’s clients. He’s from the northern part of England who just moved to London and just went through a very bad breakup. He was in a relationship for more than 6 years that ended badly. His confidence was hit very hard and he’s looking for a new start. He’s what you call a very nice and sweet guy. He needs to create a new circle of friends, get out more and meet someone new. I don’t know many available single gay guys to introduce him, but I tried to take him out for a few drinks and talk about things. At some point however he mentioned that some of the people that gb tried to introduce to him, the alphas of our gym, were a bit patronising and made him feel really bad about himself!!! That fact really annoyed me. I can imagine them being like hyenas picking on the weak of the herd.

I’m not really sure, what I’m trying to say with this post. Of course not every ‘alpha’ is a horrible superficial person. I don’t even know if I can define an alpha gay guy properly. Maybe I could say he’s the leader of group, the captain of the rugby club like in an American high school or the leader of the cheerleaders. And it’s not only the twinks with leaders and trends. I assume bear groups can be as nasty as well. The gay scene can be ridiculously superficial, fixated on looks and mean. Maybe that doesn’t apply only to the gay scene, but sometimes on society overall. Why so much jealousy, misanthropy and meanness.

Geeky Update

It’s been a while since I’ve last done one of those.

Firstly, I want to mention a Marvel graphic novel that I read recently. I’ve been reading comic books since I was a small boy. I remember laying wake from excitement in my bed in anticipation to a trip to the city where there was a proper comic book store, where I could buy things that were not available in the small town I grew up in. Since then, lots of things have changed. I’ve lost that children’s excitement, but not my total interest in them. What I do now is instead of purchasing the bi-weekly or monthly releases; I wait a bit and buy complete graphic novels or collections.

Lately, I bought a graphic novel titled “Avengers: the Children’s Crusade”. It features mostly the group of heroes called Young Avengers. I had a glimpse of them in the Marvel’s “Siege” storyline but I didn’t know mostly anything about them. They are as the name implies the new generations of super heroes that aspire to become like the proper Avengers and were formed during the time the senior Avengers team was temporarily disbanded. The graphic novel overall isn’t bad. Its art is quite nice and the storyline good. I would give it higher marks if it didn’t include dead people from the past coming back to life. It always puts me off when that happens.

 In any case, I was happily surprised to find a proper gay couple in the team. Wiccan, a powerful wizard who could be the reincarnation of Scarlet Witch’s son, is in a relationship with his alien shape shifting male teammate Hulkling. They properly refer to one another as boyfriends; they kiss and complain when given a room in the Avengers mansion with separate bed. The whole situation is written in a very realistic and respected way. There aren’t many gay characters in comic books and it’s always nice when I come across them. The Young Avengers series was discontinued, but a new version is coming up that still features both Wiccan and Hulkling, even if changes to the rest of the cast have been made:

Since, it is the beginning of March, I can’t not mention my upcoming birthday. It’s next week! Yay! Anyway, I was looking for a present for myself and I was delighted to find out that the new SimCity will be released on the 8th of the month! That’s so very appropriate. I’ve been a SimCity fan since the very beginning. I used to play it when the game still looked like this, back in the 80’s:

So, I can’t really miss it, when it looks like this:

I don’t normally pre-order stuff. I’m generally cautious before proper reviews are written and games are properly tested. I’ve made an exception in the past for the Elder Scroll’s latest release, Skyrim, and I didn’t regret it. I was extremely confident that Bethesda would deliver. In SimCity case, the preliminary previews I’ve read are quite good. Also, I trust the development company ‘Maxis’ and Will Wright. I’ve played every SimCity release there was. I love this type of strategy, resource management and control games. Another amazing example of the genre is Civilization. That’s another series of games I utterly love.

Finishing this post, I’d like to mention that EA, the company that now owns Maxis, is hosting next week a one-day conference in New York to discuss lesbian, gay and bisexual issues in the video game industry. That same company is the one that published with Microsoft the games in the ‘Mass Effect’ series. It was highly criticized when same sex couples could be formed in the last release of the game as I mentioned here.

UK same sex marriages approved

Although I'm getting ready for bed at the moment I couldn't not share the very wonderful news that same sex marriages have been approved in the UK. According to BBC:

"MPs have approved same-sex marriage in England and Wales in a key Commons vote, despite the opposition of almost half the Conservative MPs.

The Commons voted in favour of the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill, by 400 to 175, a majority of 225, at the end of a full day's debate on the bill.

Prime Minister David Cameron has described the move as "an important step forward" that strengthens society.

Deputy Prime Minister and Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg said: "I genuinely believe that we will look back on today as a landmark for equality in Britain.

"Tonight's vote shows Parliament is very strongly in favour of equal marriage.

"No matter who you are and who you love, we are all equal. Marriage is about love and commitment, and it should no longer be denied to people just because they are gay.

Gay Stereotypes in TV

There’s a new show on television called ‘The new normal’. You probably know more about it, than I do. I’m a bit slow when it comes to TV programmes. In case you haven’t seen it, it’s from the creators of Glee, so you can imagine how it’s like. I’ve only seen three quarters of the first (I think) episode in rerun. It’s about a gay couple finding a surrogate mother for their child and all the shenanigans followed by making that choice. There’s the lovely, annoyingly perfect, gay couple, the outspoken and loud African-American assistant, the traditional, very rich and homophobic grandmother of the surrogate mother and her daughter, a cute but a bit strange little girl. That little girl is like a clone taken from ‘Little Miss Sunshine’.

Before I even start, I have to say that I don’t like Glee. I never did. I’ve seen only a few episodes and those by accident. I found it predictable, not funny and the songs way too mushy, over the top and forced to be emotional. However, I know lots of people that swear by it. At least, they used to. I don’t know what’s happening now and how popular it is, after all these series. The gay characters in that show, from what I had seen, follow the general stereotypical image of gay people. The same recipe I think is followed in the ‘New Normal’.

One of the characters in the new series is extremely like a grown up ‘Kurt’ from Glee (I googled to find the character’s name). He’s a very camp, much into fashion and everything ‘pretty’, character. His boyfriend is like a character taken out of a gay romantic fiction book. He’s the exact opposite of his partner and a very down-to-Earth, intelligent, gynaecologist with a six pack (of course) with a sense for intellectuality. They also share a very nice house and a very cute dog. The surrogate mother is the forcibly likable victim of a bad relationship, starting fresh and saying all the rights things on the right time. She even wants the money from the surrogacy to study Law and create a better future for her daughter (can anyone pass me the tissues?)!

OK, maybe I’m being way too harsh. I haven’t seen much of the show to be honest and so judgmental and negative. Maybe the characters are not so two dimensional and the story evolves nicely in an interesting way. I’m not holding my breath for it though.  
 
However, I have to give much deserved credit to both shows, Glee and New Normal. They are making more gay characters likable in a mainstream TV show. They introduce more popular gay people to the everyday watching family. They’re not the first show to do that. But from what I’ve read, Glee has been so extremely popular to younger and not only generations that might be helping loads in fighting homophobia and bullying in schools (hopefully).  I might not completely agree with the way that some gay people are portrayed, but still, it is a positive thing to do.

It’s very nice that shows like ‘Modern Family’ (more to my taste to be honest) and ‘New Normal’ try to portrait and even promote gay parenthood.

Holidays Ahead with some minor dark clouds

With 2013 already underway, our little house in the south of London has been happily buzzing, making plans for the near future. The easiest and most pleasant of them are of course the plans regarding holidays and trips. Even if it is still very early for the year, we’ve decided on making a trip to Athens at the end of January, beginning of February! And I’m so excited!  What’s great about Athens is the fact that it’s inexpensive, since we’ll be staying at my brother’s and the weather most likely will be good (during the Alkyonides days). We’ll meet members of my family and some of my dearest and oldest friends.

Speaking of my family, I’ve mentioned to my mother the days we’ll be staying in Athens and that it would be nice to see them. It would also be nice of them to meet JJ for the first time. It was only fair since I’ve met JJ’s parents very recently and we could get the ‘meeting the parents’ thing out of the way once and for all. My mother didn’t sound too excited about this prospect. On the phone she mumbled something on the line ‘we’ll see’ and that they’re busy, so she can’t promise they could get the time to go all the way to Athens!

Although, this could really be the case, I had my doubts. So, on a later phone call I’ve openly asked her that if JJ left earlier and I stayed a couple of days longer, would they then think about coming to Athens to see me! And then, the amazing happened! They could make it (if I was on my own)! This whole thing upset me the day we had that brief conversation.  I’m now feeling much better about it though. I don’t have anything to be apologetic about and the problem lies with them. I’ve decided that some things can’t be forced, although I will bring up the subject to my mother when I see her.

I believe that the first time I mentioned us being in the country and if they could come, she didn’t even check with my father about it. He simply doesn’t want to hear about it. He can’t accept the fact that his son is gay, even if he’s happy and partnered. It’s not that important but I’m mentioning the partnered bit because when we had the ‘talk’ once, he was going on about how I was wasting my life, being alone and ending up on the street like a tramp, begging for some affection and paid love! She’s better than him. When I know he’s not listening she’s asking me quietly about how we are doing and even wished JJ Merry Christmas! Just to stir the waters I had sent them a Merry Christmas card signed by both of us. :-)

In any case, we have holidays approaching and I’m very happy about it! I’ve already been checking on things we could do and didn’t do during our last visit. The most important one is visiting the National Archaeological Museum of Athens. The last time I’ve been there I was probably in my teens. There are some amazing exhibits there including Cycladic art, the well-known golden mask of Agamemnon and the famous Antikythera mechanism.

Please meet Agamemnon

Especially the latter is something I would really love to see again. We were recently watching a full documentary in National Geographic (I think) regarding it. For those of you not familiar with it, this Greek ancient mechanism is considered to be one of the very first “computers” ever built. It was found in a ship wreck close to the Antikythera Island and its very complicated cogs and wheels were calculating astronomical positions.      

 Antikythera Mechanism

The elephant in the room

I work in IT, or ICT as they call it now, since it includes communications as well. It's all very excited (or geeky) I know. My manager has 49 people to report to him. That's quite a group, especially when we occasionally go to the pub. We manage to populate most of the venue we go to and we create quite some noise there. Most of them are really nice people; however I am the only 'gay in the village'! All the rest have girlfriends, fiances or wives that they sometimes bring along or mention quite often. And since we are in IT, the vast majority are male. I think that there are only 3 women in the team. One of which was an old co-worker of mine from my previous job. 

So, in such a heterosexual and geeky group, I was reluctant to talk about 'J', before I tested the waters. However, the very first day I joined, I heard from a team leader of the group a nasty comment about lesbians. It was one of these ridiculously unfunny 'Beavis & Butt head' quality jokes that you hear from a developer with no social skills whatsoever. Some similar stupid jokes were heard during the following months as well. So, I decided against talking about my personal life, especially at the beginning. I wanted to pass my probation period, get to know these people better and then start opening up.

A couple of weeks ago we were again in the pub. After a couple, or more, of drinks they started talking about the only female developer we have to another developer of my age. She wasn't present at that outing and they knew that he was single and they were trying to set him up with her. Apart from me, everybody else taking part in that discussion were either married or engaged. He was being a bit reluctant about her (can't blame him), but it then occurred to me that I was excluded from the available candidates for her. They didn't ask me about my relationship status and they didn't offer to set me up with her. So, I either do look gayer than I thought or the ex-co-worker spilled the beans about me and some people already know.

So, last week, when we were at the pub again, a colleague and his fianc￩, also working on the same company but in a different department, asked me about my holidays. They asked me who I am going with, a girlfriend or friends. My reply was: my boyfriend. Then came that small pause, you know, the few seconds more than normal that it took them to reply something like 'that's nice'! I briefly told them about JJ and mentioned the fact that it's not out in the open yet because of that team leader, I mentioned earlier. Oh, I am going to tell him eventually, just not yet! I was glad I've talked to them even if I now know that a secret known by 3 at least co-workers, is not a secret anymore.

However, even after all this time, there is a small triumphant feeling when successfully coming out to people even if they are simple work colleagues.

Gay Evolution of the Video games

I think it was a year ago when I had lots of free time and I asked my fellow readers / bloggers / online friends of a good PC game to play. Gauss Jordan back then suggested Mass Effect. I got Mass Effect 2 and I loved it. Thanks for that by the way. I never thanked you for the suggestion.

Since I liked the 2nd game, it was only natural that after I read some very good reviews about it, I got the recently released 3rd instalment of the game. Thank you so much for the birthday gift JJ! Since Skyrim was getting a bit old and after I spent many (way too many) hours playing it, I’ve now started devoting my free time in ‘Mass Effect 3’. And boy was I for a treat?

The game takes place in the future, in space. There’s an evil alien invasion and you, Commander (I think) Shepard of the spacecraft Normandy are trying to save the Galaxy. It doesn’t sound like the most original story ever but the details, subplots, graphics and action make it a really interesting and captivating game. While Shepard’s trying to unite the various species against the new common threat, he (I’m playing a male character) interacts with his ship’s crew, gets to know them and finishes missions provided by them.

One of the crew members is Stephen Cortez. He’s a Lieutenant and pilot for the good guys. While I as Shepard was visiting the deck, I was told that I need to speak to Stephen, so I headed down to the Armoury. There I find a crying Stephen, so I asked him what’s wrong. Do you know what he said? His husband died on one of the evil alien invasion? I’ll repeat that: ‘his husband’! I was like wow, that’s cool!

Cortez crying over his husband

So, I did my research. I don’t want any spoilers for the plot of the game, so I was cautious on what I could find. Apparently, Stephen is the only opening gay character of the game that was actually even married. There’s also the possibility to have ‘intimate’ moments with him if you are a male Shepard. You can select the gender at the beginning of the game. So, I’ll see what the future holds.

Shepard and Cortez

This development is not something completely new. In Skyrim as well a male character could marry another male NPC (that’s Not Playable Characters for the non-geeks). This option was also allowed in the ‘Sims’ series and these are only three widely accepted games that I just thought of. Compared to the Sims though, both Mass Effect and Skyrim are considered to be violent action packed games which I believe have a different (male, younger, heterosexual) target group than ‘The Sims’. So, are gay characters in video games becoming mainstream? There’s even apparently a gay sex scene later in the game if you decide to make Steve and Shepard an item. I’ll definitely make that happen…

On the other hand, I have found some online forums where this option is condemned and homophobic hatred comments are posted. I’m not going to comment on them and decide simply to ignore them. I do love the existence of gay characters in video games. People from various backgrounds should have this kind of incentives. It’s even nicer to have a gay Commander fighting to save the whole galaxy! Gay characters shouldn’t follow stereotypes.

Gay-dar

I fear that there’s something wrong with my gaydar. It’s not working properly, especially with younger people and / or metrosexuals. Maybe the times have changed and the youngsters behave differently nowadays. I’ve even more confused with certain cultures like the Italians, Spanish, or even the Greeks, after living in the UK for the last years. There are lots of straight Greek guys out there that look gay to me.

I was watching the other day, a very silly TV program called ‘Playing it Straight’. The show’s very similar to the ‘Bachelorette’ but with a twist. There’s a girl and around 10 boys. Boys try to win the girl’s heart. However not all of them are telling the truth. Some of them are gay. At the end if the girl picks the straight boy, they both get £25k. If the girl picks the gay boy, he gets £50k on his own. The quality of the show is very low to say the least. The boys need to prove their manhood (in comparison to their gayness) by wining challenges. Some of the challenges are ridiculous like working on a fish boat cleaning fresh fish or knowing how to use a compass and a map. The stereotypes used could be plain insulting but the show wasn’t taking itself too seriously and the narration done by the very camp comedian Alan Carr gave it a funny twist at times.

At the end the girl chose a straight guy (or that is what he said) and it ended happily ever after. However, the whole process made me think. Firstly, there was a set of twin boys in the show. It proved at the end that they were both gay. That is the second occurrence I know where twins share the same sexual orientation. The other is from two sisters I know in Greece. I was wondering, is that common? When one of the twin’s gay, is the other one as well?

Secondly, the guy who won didn’t really look straight. He was as camp as a Christmas Tree at times and I’ve always put him in gay group. He also had a tribal tattoo on his lower back that I think is more easily fashioned by gay guys. OK, I know that someone’s campness is not always an indicator, but… I also have to admit that being gay, makes me find more gay traits in people. Maybe it’s wishful thinking

PS. I love the date today! Happy leap year to everybody!

Worlds AIDS day

I've mentioned GMFA before on this post.
GMFA is the UK's leading charity dedicated to gay men's health. Their mission is to improve gay men's health by increasing the control they have over their own lives. Towards that goal I was contacted by them to post a video that promotes the service. Please see below:

Speaking of GMFA, today is 'Worlds AIDS day'. It's the day of the year that AIDS should be talked about. Of course it shouldn't be the only day of the year that we must remember our sexual health. However, this day gives a nice opportunity to do that. 


Think about some simple questions:
Do you know your status? Do you use condoms? Do you put yourself in jeopardy? Do you know how HIV is spread? 


It's very easy to get tested and learn your HIV status. Especially in the UK there are lots of places where you can get tested anonymously and quickly. Is there a reason you keep postponing it?


I felt like I needed to make a contribution towards that cause. So, I became a volunteer for GMFA. I've been a volunteer in the past but then I only did administrator work. Now, for GMFA I wanted to do more. So, I took the public facing training last week and today was my first time contributing. So, I met a fellow member from GMFA and we went to a night pub called 'Royal Vauxhall Tavern' to talk to people and raise money for the cause.


To be completely and utterly honestly honest I'll start with the 'bad' of volunteering. The whole thing was not very well organised. The person I was supposed to meet wasn't there. The t-shirt I was supposed to be given to wear wasn't there. The bar manager asked me for an ID that I wasn't told to bring and almost kicked me out. Finally there weren't many freebies to give to the people donating money or even a second money bucket.


The good: After putting all these bad things behind me, I truly enjoyed the experience. My fellow GMFA member was a veteran and knew how to talk and mingle with people. There were people donating money and thanking us for the work that the charity does. I was surprised to find out how open people can be and how generous. At the end of the night I felt very good about myself and proud. I didn’t do much but at least I did something…

A letter to my father

I was thinking recently about writing a letter to my father. That thought came to me when I realised that he is no longer talking to me. To be honest he never was very good on keeping contact. He doesn’t generally like talking on the phone and he would never text. It’s a common family joke that he must be one of the worst customers of mobile phone companies. He never even comes close to finish the few free minutes and text messages he’s given by his contract.

Since I moved to England my mother calls or texts almost every single day. I know it’s a bit excessive. We don’t talk for long. She just wants to check that I’m fine and occasionally she’ll ask whether I had dinner (?) and how are my job and the weather. It’s a typical Greek thing. She does the same to my brother. After she watches the day’s evening news, she picks up her phone and calls her children and sister. It’s a ritual she follows.

During these calls she’ll occasionally give the phone to my father making him talk to me. He normally doesn’t have lots to say. The vast majority of times, he’ll ask me how happy I am at my job, how’s that going and give me a series of the same advice every single time. He’ll mention that I should be responsible, punctual, well-mannered and try to maintain a somewhat offensive stance. That means that I should try to get involved in as many projects as possible and try to always be enthusiastic and positive about my job.

We never talk about personal things. He will never ask how I am personally and if I’m happy in my life. According to his life theory, if you’re happy in your job, there is nothing else to worry about. There is no room for such ‘silly’ things like insecurities, fears or stress. I don’t even think he understands the concept of personal counselling or psychologists (sorry Dr. Spo). While I was growing up everything that had to do with feelings or sentimentalities were left to my mother. Don’t get me wrong. My father does love me and my brother. He will just not show it much. I had a very nice childhood and I am very grateful for it.

Throughout my life I’ve tried and mostly succeeded in making him proud of me. I had good grades in school. They have never seen me drunk and I’ve never taken drugs (apart from a visit to Amsterdam). I’ve never been in serious trouble. I studied, found a decent job and I’m mostly in control of my life. That means that I’ve ticked most of the boxes that most parents ask of their children. I do owe to him any integrity I have as a person.

However, he never saw coming that I could be homosexual and he hasn’t forgiven me for it. Since I came out two years ago, there is a huge elephant in the room that we might share. The situation hasn’t improved with time. On the contrary, since he learnt that I was packing to move in with JJ he hasn’t spoken to me on the phone, at all which is a record for us. Even now, that my mother is in the hospital for an operation (it all went well and she’s recovering) he only texted me to tell me that my mother is OK and she will call me whenever she can.

I have grown a thicker skin and I can live with my father not generally speaking to me much, maintaining a non-personal relationship. I’m beginning to realise that probably he doesn’t know me that much to see how happier I am as a person now. Maybe I didn’t let him to get to know me that much or maybe he didn’t try as much as he should have. There is no point in telling him now of my sleepless nights as a teenager and young adult and all these worries I had then. I don’t want to tell him how better-off I am as a person since I came out primarily to myself and accepted who I am. If I told him all that, it would be like apologising or defending myself. I don’t feel I need to do that…

Anyway, I might not giving him enough justice. I’m trying to see things from his point of view. I’ll give him all the time he needs. We’ll see how things turn out…
 

It already started

This is officially the ‘moving together’ month. At the end of it, I will have packed my things and moved in with ‘JJ’ after kicking out his current housemate and leaving my poor current flatmate high and dry. Yes, we can be bitchy like that. Unfortunately they don’t like each other that much to move in together. ‘JJ’s housemate decided that he will buy a property in the near future so he’s moving back to his parents’ for a short while to gather some money. What’s really funny is the fact that his parents don’t want him back, but that’s a different long story. My flatmate decided that she will find a place of her own. Maybe I was too perfect of a flatmate to be replaced (or I damaged her that much).

When it comes to those new living arrangements there are many issues (maybe issues is a very harsh word) that I do not know where to start elaborating my thoughts. Let me start by repeating that I’ve never lived with a boyfriend before. That unknown element terrifies me to a degree. Being a worrying person I can’t help but think about all the things that can go wrong. There are so many what ifs that drive me crazy:

“What if he gets bored of me?” “What if I get bored of him?”

“What if we get into a stupid routine alienating each other?”

“What if my inexperience gets the worst of me and I do something stupid?”

“What if I start feeling trapped, feeling like I do not have enough space and I reacted stupidly?”

That last bit of possible lack of space is something I do think a lot. Since I haven’t lived with someone I’m not used of sharing my bed / room etc. every single day! Will it be an issue? Who knows?

On the same negative page is the issue I have with my parents. My mother has already reacted negatively to the prospect. She even mentioned that she’s terrified of even telling my father. That conversation didn’t go that well and I’m not looking forward to having it again. Of course I’m not going to lie to them or hide anything, I’m not 12 anymore. However, where I come from (yes, here I go again, don’t roll your eyes) moving in with someone is a much larger issue. Generally younger generations leave their parents’ house in most cases when it comes to get married. To

give you an idea, even my brother moving in with his girlfriend was an issue. Living with someone makes the relationship permanent and more serious to the older generations. I have a much thicker skin than before. I know the reasons of my choice and it is not negotiable. I will not be defensive. I do not care what the relatives will say or what their friends think. It just saddens me a bit nonetheless.

Is that a look of disapproval?

On the other positive and important hand, living with JJ is an adventure I am so looking forward to begin! I can’t help but feel very excited about it. I want to set a proper home with him. I want to spend more time in a house that will be our house. I want to feel that I belong to that place, with him. Fortunately, he is as excited.

Since yesterday, some first preparations have already begun to set the new foundations for our new house. JJ of course wants to make vast changes to it. If he could, he would demolish the whole place and rebuild it. Apart from some simple things like cleaning or repainting, he wants to change plumbing, insulations, wallpapers, electronics etc. I’m trying to keep him grounded and set some priorities according to our budget though.

So, yesterday he mentioned that it was time to get started. The month will pass without us noticing. So, we started by cleaning the back garden and painting the door and windows facing it. I put on his working clothes (I didn’t want to make my clothes dirty), made sure my hairy crack was visible as a proper technician and I got to work. I painted the back door! I know it’s not much but prior to yesterday I hadn’t done any DIY in years. I have to admit it’s very therapeutic even for half an hour’s work. Next step will be to paint one wall of the living room and the front door. I’m not Bob the Builder yet but I’m getting there.

Who said that geeks can’t get physical?

There’s no place like home

with so much drama…

So, I went back to Greece last weekend. It was all very nice. The weather was warm and sunny. I caught up with some old friends. Most of them feel trapped in the current financial situation and complain about it. The market is still suffering and there aren’t many jobs. One ex-university colleague and very good friend will most likely make a move and try to find a job in London. We’re already rewriting her CV in English and plan when and where to start applying. So, you might hear of her later on this year. I will be living with ‘JJ’ till then but he gladly offered her a place to stay at the beginning of her new life abroad!

During my visit I even went swimming. Last Monday, that same friend who’s thinking of moving to London, pick me up with her car and after sorting some errands she had, we headed to the beach. Because it was Monday, the place wasn’t very busy but nice and quiet. We planned her future and thought of possible solutions to her problems. It felt a bit weird but very nice lying under the sun. Some days earlier, in London, I was feeling the autumn coming. Now, I was in my swimming trunk half naked feeling warm.

My happy feet by the sea

Anyway, the wedding was really nice. The ceremony took place outside the city, in a farm, under the trees. The only downside was the slight smell coming from the livestock. However, there was a slight breeze in the air, who was very welcome. The reception was in a nearby restaurant / bar, under the trees. Since it was my cousin’s wedding there were many relatives I hadn’t seen in ages. So, I had to spend some time simply greeting one aunt or another. And I do have a lot…

The day before the wedding, I went for a walk with my mother, alone. We had decided to visit some local shops and my father’s never in the mood to join us. After walking for quite a bit, we sat in a nearby coffee place. After sharing some general gossips, I decided to talk to her about ‘JJ’ and that we’re moving in. It didn’t go as smoothly as planned…

lovely unhealthy food.

What I haven’t mentioned because I am still a bit in denial, is my current health situation. During my latest health check for my new company, the doctor found that my bad cholesterol levels are high, very high. This can only be caused by my bad genes since I am fairly young and active. OK, I have some extra kilos that I could live without, but in any case the situation shouldn’t be that bad. He suggested a special diet, which in case it didn’t work I should start taking medication. That completely freaked me out. I’ve just turned thirty. I can’t be taking pills for the rest of my life! I simply can’t. So, I was thinking of visiting a dietician and give that a go. If that doesn’t work in a year, we’ll see.

I mentioned that to my mother first before ‘JJ’. I didn’t mention how high my cholesterol is. I didn’t want to completely freak her out. I told her that it is slightly higher than the limit. She was generally fine by it. We agreed that I shouldn’t ignore it and that I should also warn my brother to get a blood test. She was even fine with me taking pills. She wasn’t fine about ‘JJ’ though.

teddy bears drying upside down...

What she first said was: ‘here we go’! Then she asked me about JJ. She wanted to know his age and profession! She added that my father is completely freaked out about the whole thing and there is no way she can calm him! She even asked me what to tell people!!!! At that point I got really annoyed! I hoped that my health would be more important as an issue, even if I tried to sugar coat it a bit. Also, I thought that when selecting a partner there are more important things than his age and job! Of course she didn’t like the fact that JJ is older than me. She made him sound like a pervert taking advantage of poor innocent me! I know that probably I shouldn’t have but I stopped the conversation then and there. I should have been more patient…

I spent more time alone with my mother but the issue wasn’t brought up again. My father was as distant as he normally is. The only personal thing he told me was that I’ve gotten fat the last months (always nice to hear)! The three of us went for dinner and spent time together, but the conversations circled around my new job and other general topics. No, there wasn’t a large elephant in the room!

The night I had the conversation with my mother I couldn’t sleep. I was annoyed and angry. It was also very hot and humid so I spent the night twisting and turning, sweating. The next day I relaxed though and gained a better perspective. I also managed to put on my thicker skin. My father’s freaking out because he lives in a very homophobic environment. Because of him, my mother is afraid to reach out to me. However, I’m very certain that I am doing the right thing moving in with ‘JJ’. They can’t change my mind about this. I also have the support of my friends and my brother. I’m not going to apologise and be defensive about my decisions which are only affecting me at the end of the day.

I’m not going to stop talking to my parents. I love them and I know that in their own way they love me as well and want the best for me. The day before I left, I bought them a camera to start video calls. We haven’t tried it yet, but we will, probably this weekend.

GMFA

I was recently contacted by a member of GMFA mentioning to me their new service. Without a second thought, I was sure this was something worth spreading.


GMFA is UK's leading charity, founded in 1992, dedicated to gay men's health. Their mission is to improve gay men's health by increasing the control they have over their own lives. They believe their role is to provide gay men with accurate and credible information, and with the skills that enable them to make informed choices and exercise control over their own actions.


Unfortunately HIV remains the most serious sexually transmitted infection (STI) for gay men, so you'll find lots of info about it on their website, but you can also contact them and they'll answer your questions on other STIs and give you information and advice on how to make your sex life healthier, happier and hornier.


In order to battle these fast spreading STIs, they’ve recently created a new service that I’d like to mention, a Sexual Health Messaging Service:

“In April 2011 GMFA launched a major UK-wide scheme to notify partners of gay men diagnosed with sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The Sexual Health Messaging Service has been developed in collaboration with GU clinics, the gay dating websites Fitlads, Gaydar, Manhunt and Recon and the dating app, Bender. The new service is funded by the Elton John AIDS Foundation and aims to reduce the number of men with undiagnosed STIs, including HIV. Men who are diagnosed with an STI can notify previous sexual partners via an online system, so the partners can get tested and, if necessary, treated.”

It’s of course better to be personally notified by your sexual partner of the fact that he’s been recently diagnosed with an STI. Unfortunately, however we all know that doesn’t happen that easily. Lots of people simply choose to ignore a problem than face it. That is why GMFA created this automated service. In an ideal world this service would be needed, but we all know that this world simply doesn’t exist.


For even more information on the service and how to give your permission to receive notifications on Fitlads, Gaydar and Recon you can find it here.

Also, you might find interesting:

GMFA: Find out more about GMFA, volunteer or donate at www.gmfa.org.uk/aboutgmfa

Sex & sexual health: Information and advice on HIV & STIs at www.gmfa.org.uk/sex

Services for gay men in London: Resources & sexual health services for London’s gay men at: www.gmfa.org.uk/londonservices

Positive: Information for HIV positive gay men at: www.gmfa.org.uk/positive

Sports and social groups: A guide to sporting and social activity groups for gay men in London at: www.gmfa.org.uk/theguide

Registered charity no: 1076854
Company limited by guarantee: 2702133

Friday random…

That's the I wrote and prepared on Friday but couldn't post due to 'Blogger' problems. I'm posting it now as written without any changes...

It’s the end of the week, so it’s an opportunity to celebrate. The weekend is upon us with vast opportunities to see friends, do stuff we like, get some rest, etc… That’s why, I don’t want to spoil anyone’s mood but I can’t help it.

Yesterday, really late at night for a school night, there was a documentary in BBC3 called ‘the world’s worst place to be gay’ and it was about homophobia in Uganda. A well known radio presenter and commentator called ‘Scott Mills’ who is a white gay male in his late thirties, visited the country to see firsthand how homosexual people are treated.

At first he does enjoys his visit but it doesn’t take long for him to see the signs. There are newspapers daily writing about homosexuals and forcibly outing them. There are articles about how gay people should be jailed or even hanged, an opinion shared by the vast majority of the population, even by the younger generations. Scott visits gay people living in the slums, disowned by their families, chased away by friends, beaten and stoned. Local priests preach about how gay people are like paedophiles, trying to seduce the innocent in their own evil schemes. They forcibly believe that being gay is something curable, so Scott visits a local witch doctor to be treated without any effect of course. The story of a young lesbian is introduced who was raped, in order to be ‘cured’ to like men. She was exiled, infected with HIV and got pregnant after that. At the end of the show, Scott visits a politician who’s favouring an anti-homosexual bill to be introduced in the country. After admitting to the politician that he is gay, the interview stops and Scott has to be rushed away not to be ceased by the police.


In general, the documentary is not of the best quality because I believe it’s a very superficial but is depressing nonetheless and proves how bad the situation is. In late January, a Ugandan well known gay rights activist, called David Kato, was beaten to death in his own house. Police say that the beating had nothing to do with David being gay but I don’t think they’re fooling anyone. I’m not sure if the anti-homosexual bill is already introduced or not, but it is a very scary piece of legislation.

This kind of stories makes me feel so happy that I live in the UK and I’m enjoying liberties I took for granted. Some might say that Uganda has much more serious survival issues to deal with than the gay minorities like malnutrition and sanitation but it is sad nonetheless. In a country of 33 million people, there must be more than 200,000 gay people tormented. In any case, Uganda is not a popular tourist destination to my taste…

------------------------------

OK, with that out of the picture, I can concentrate on other, less important, things. I watched ‘Hanna’ and ‘Thor’ recently. The first one was good but not something exceptional. I liked the music by Chemical Brothers and the direction by Joe Wright. The appearance of a half naked Eric Bana was a nice touch as well. I also enjoyed Cate Blanchett in it. I found however the story quite predictable, unrealistic and somewhat boring. It is worth watching though if you like action movies. ‘Thor’ I watched in 3D, in IMAX in Wimbledon. The screen was huge and the visual effects impressive. I feared that it would be a disappointment and I was somewhat negatively prepositioned. However, I found it entertaining and the actor playing Thor quite good. If you’re thinking about watching it at a cinema theatre, go for it. I doubt it would be as impressive in DVD.

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I’m off for the weekend in Paris with JJ. It would be a quick visit for one night, but I know I’ll enjoy it nonetheless. Have a great weekend too! I’m living you with some hotties I quickly gathered online:

You have to love rugby players. That's Nick Youngquest

Chris Loulis - Greek Actor

A test: Do you know who this guy is?

‘The cause of Sexual Orientation’

That was the title of an article found some days ago in a Greek news website that I usually check. The article was referring to a neurotransmitter, called serotonin, a chemical brain substance that allegedly controls sexual behavior. According to the article, males lacking this substance showed a lack of interests towards females and more interest towards males. When more serotonin was injected, males renewed their interests to females.

This, according to the same article, was the first scientific proof that homosexuality is proven to be caused by a well known neurotransmitter and therefore controlled or affected. The experiment was done by Professor Yi Rao of the University of Beijing in mice and published in ‘Nature’ magazine.

What I didn’t like in the article was that the first couple of paragraphs do not mention that the experiments were done in mice and that sexual behavior in mice differs from the human sexual behavior. It refers vaguely on males, females and test subjects probably to impress. Although it does mention that drugs modifying serotonin levels are in use in humans for years without affecting the sexual orientation of the subjects, it is stated in the last paragraph. The article is quite lengthy and easily misleading. Someone speed reading it can easily miss that bit.

The article referring to the same scientific research in BBC is written quite differently. It states in the title that ‘Sexual preference chemical found in mice‘. Also there is a clear paragraph referring to humans mentioning the differences and how what happens in mice cannot be easily extended to what happens in humans.

It doesn’t of course come as a shock to me how propaganda works, however it never stops to amaze me. It is the same set of news presented in a totally different way. Homophobia in Greece is still very strong, especially in the media, and I wouldn’t easily expect to find an article from a gay friendly point of view or defending gay human rights.
It could be the case however that I am reading too much into this and that I might be wrong.

Same Sex Couples…

I was thinking about differences between same sex to different sex couples and I came up with only a few! I can’t really find many differences even if I wanted. I don’t agree that in a gay couple someone has to take the ‘husband’ role and another the ‘wife’ role. I don’t even understand what that means, although I came across people thinking in these stereotypes. Is the ‘bottom’ one the wife and the other the husband? Is the one doing most of the errands the wife?

Please bear in mind that I am not being serious and I don’t want to offend any one. I am just playing with stereotypes…

Same sex couples:

I found it VERY worrying when I realised that in same sex couples, your exs can become an item! Think about the horror seeing your ex A being a couple with your ex B and talk / gossip / bitch about you! If only there was a hole I could hide in.

For the time being I only have a good friend of mine being a fuck buddy with a guy I dated a couple of times. At least we didn’t ‘drown the rabbit’ (Greek expression) so they can’t gossip about what I do/don’t in bed or grade me in any case… I’m not (very) insecure when it comes to that, but I would find it a bit weird.

Female same sex couple:

It’s funny (at least to me) how lesbians’ monthly circle change and becomes synchronized. However, I fear that a couple of two hormone driven women will be difficult to manoeuvre. How do they keep calm and not have fights every single month?

It’s also a good thing that in female couples, both parties can understand ‘women’ issues equally.

Male same sex couple:

When a man and a woman date, it is accustomed (at least it used to be) about the male courtesies regarding taking a coat, pulling a chair, opening a door, maybe paying the bill. What happens when a gay couple dates? Who takes this role? (Am I the only one who thought of that?) Who is supposed to take the initiative and call the next day?

Also, snoring can be an issue…

The Boy Scout

I met him when I was in the army. He joined the same period as me, February 2005, in the same training base, in central Greece. I didn’t run into him straight away though. A month passed before they separated those of us that were meant to be trained as sergeants. He had the bed next to mine so we got to know each other very well. We were sent to the same military base for three months as well after that.

He’s medium built with very broad shoulders from all the years of rowing. Five years older than me with dark skin, long dark hair to his shoulders, very round face and dark eyes. Most of his family comes from Istanbul but he’s born and raised in Thessaloniki. I always remember him smoking rolled cigarettes and telling various stories. He’s been a boy scout ever since he can remember. He’s one of the few that stayed a boy scout during his adult life, earning ranks and accompanying children to excursions, trips and various other activities. His other major passion in life is the sea. He loves to sail and his big dream in life is to become a professional full time skipper.

The Boy Scout is what you call a very good lad. He’s the one that knows how to behave, have good manners, is intelligent and reliable. We kept close the months of our service. The bond some people create when they go through the same tough situation is something unique. This kind of friendship bonded the Boy Scout and me. Living in the same base made us share most of things, apart from one. I never told him I’m gay.

I met his then girlfriend and some of his friends and we hang around a lot, even outside the base. Since I had some girlfriends in the past and I was extremely closeted then (you can’t be gay in the army), it’s wasn’t very difficult for me to play the part of the straight army boy. I also knew that there was an expiry date on the time I served there so I thought that it wouldn’t matter if I lied a bit.

After the end of our service, I only saw him a couple of times during some army reunions or for an occasional coffee or drink now and then. It was too late to tell him I’m gay by then and I was making my plans to leave for the UK anyway. When he heard that I was leaving, his comment was to be careful not to be ‘turned to the wicked side’ as he put it. There’s a common joke in Greece that there are way too many homosexuals in London so he was simply referring to that. I already knew that he was a homophobe from various comments made during our service so I simply didn’t say anything.

It’s been years since then and I kept seeing him only sporadically during some visits to Greece. He kept asking me how my sex life’s going and if I found any interesting nice girl abroad and I always replied generally that he shouldn’t worry and I’m doing fine, I’m getting all the fun I need.

Recently however he contacted me that he’ll try to make his dream come true. He’s registered for a sailing course from the Royal Sailing/ Yachting Club in England to get a special degree of some sorts (I can’t remember the details) that will a tremendous help in his sailing career. He’d like to stay a few days in my place to visit a British doctor to get a health check certificate needed to start the course and also travel to the place where the Club is based. So, I agreed and he came… (I don’t know why sometimes I simply can’t say no)…

So, in a way I had to become that same lying person again that I don’t really like. Thankfully ‘JJ’ was working these days so we couldn’t meet much anyway. We met only once in Camden Market and for dinner but I had told him to keep some kind of distance (I do feel guilty about that). We are not very intimate out in the public anyway. (I’m such a bitch).

I tried to speak to the Boy Scout. I saw however that he made a bad comment about a small Banksy drawing I have of the two policemen kissing in my room (which at least I had the dignity not to hide). He also made a bad comment about Almodovar’s movies when I tried to open a discussion about it and I decided it’s no use. I don’t think I can open his eyes one bit. He can be a really nice well mannered good guy but with some major issues coming from a very conservative Greek religious background.

After meeting JJ the boy Scott stopped asking me questions about girls. I’m not sure if he suspected something was going on but we didn’t talk about it. I do felt bad though. I felt like I was going backwards, being untrue to everything I believed and fought for. I was able to come out to my parents but not to some random bloke from my past. I still do have my issues to solve, I know. It’s like I’m a complete different person when it comes to dealing with people from my past and my present. Anyway, that’s my shameful story I’m sharing with you… I’ll try to work on that.

I know that he'd never understand. But I also don't know why I keep these people in my life...

Wishful thinking…

There was an article in the ‘Attitude’ magazine this month regarding how gay people can deal with Christmas family reunions. It is one of the same silly articles you find every year in similar magazines. It debates about whether it’s a good idea to come out to your family during the Christmas dinner, how to answer very private questions and how to deal with homophobic relatives.

This kind of advice provided though cannot be applied to me. I have mentioned to my parents that I am gay but we haven’t discussed it since and that was summer of 2009. I don’t think they’re in denial but I think that they simply choose to ignore the whole issue, hoping probably that it might go away. My mother only asks me if I am generally happy in my personal life, without of course even mentioning the word 'gay', 'boyfriend' or asking for more details. My father wouldn't even go there. So, when I pass the borders I am again a closeted gay guy to the rest of the family and family friends.

I don’t really care to be honest. I’m out to the people that matter to me which are MY friends and my first degree relatives. My brother is amazing. I don’t care what my parents say to their friends and other relatives. From the Greek gay people I know I am the only one that had the ‘talk’ with their parents and I have to confess that I am quite proud of that. We still have a long way to go, but the first and more important step has been made.

I’m not going to say that it doesn’t bother me at all though. Every Christmas which is also my brother’s name day (we celebrate these), we have a very close family meal. Normally, it’s me, my parents, my brother, my mother’s sister and her family with my two cousins (7-8 people in total). My brother was allowed to bring his long term girlfriend who later became his wife and his contemporary girlfriend since he got divorced. He never attended that meal alone for at least a decade. Now, my first cousin is engaged to be married next year and he brings his fiancée as well. My other cousin has a long term girlfriend but he refuses to introduce her to his family (he knows how they can get), so she is not attending any family gatherings. At least I am not the only unaccompanied person there (for now).

I can’t help but feel a little bit left out. As it seems, I am the only gay in the family and just the thought of mentioning a boyfriend is scandalous. I can’t even begin to think of a possibility that I might bring one along. The ‘gay issue’ is generally a not acceptable topic to talk about with my parents and my uncle’s family not having any openly gay friend! My uncle has made homophobic remarks in the past and I was never brave enough to face him (he can be a bit intimidating).

I can only admit that when I’m back to Greece, I feel like a child again, not being able to easily stand my ground and I just let some things pass. It is a bit shameful, I know but there’s not much I can do. I also know that if I mention that I want to bring a boyfriend to any of the family gatherings, my parents will feel torn since they would in a way like to stand by me but in another not know how to handle it. Unfortunately, if I ever bring someone with me in my relatives or family friends circles I will be the very first one to do it…

Unfortunately, JJ’s family is not that gay friendly either. They do know that he’s gay but they generally don’t talk about it either. His mother is very religious and his father strict. I have the impression that South Africa is not very open about it generally. That leaves us in a tough spot. I can’t bring JJ over to Greece for Christmas and I can’t go to his place either. I am not sure how and if this situation will change. At least JJ can understand where I’m coming from and vice versa. We did mention not to go anywhere next year and just simply relax and spend the holidays together…