Friday happiness

I just received one of the most wonderful text messages for the past days: ‘Great news-you are now connected to O2 Broadband. You may now plug in, run the CD and enjoy! Thanks O2.’
YAY
I can now try finding my laptop, removing the dust that is covering it and turn it on after being neglected for days. I think that’s the longest I’ve ever left it off. Last time I used it was on Sunday when I took it to the local pub that has wireless internet connection!

On a totally different issue, I went running this morning before work. I normally don’t do that because the idea of me going outside in shorts that early, with this cold, is not pleasant. The transition from being under the duvet to going running by the river is very difficult. However, with all my evenings spent with my parents I have to do some kind of exercise in the morning. In addition, I’m beginning to freak out a bit regarding my half marathon race in three months. Excluding the (at least) two weeks of overeating and overdrinking of the holiday season, I don’t have much time left. I am not being delusional about being nice and not eating too much during my holidays spent in Greece. So, I want to get some proper exercise before mid December and get back on track beginning of next year.

That means that I should get over myself and start running at least three times per week and it would be better done in the morning to have my evenings free. So, I was thinking that in order to get myself more motivated I should try buying new running gear. I need proper warmer running clothes for my upper body, running gloves and some long tights (OF COURSE to wear under my shorts). I also need to download and update my ipod music collection that I listen to during running. Maybe a pedometer? I’m gay, I like these kind of things (gadgets, accessories, new clothes).
I began running in May and I do not have winter running equipment…

One of the main reasons I like running is that it clears your mind and you can get a new perspective on certain things. After finishing the first couple of miles, your body goes in ‘autopilot’, running mode, without much thinking over it letting your mind wander. So, this morning I was thinking of the ‘Essex Boy’ in combination with the movie ‘He’s just not that into you’ (bad combination). The movie is not that great but it does put some things under consideration…

The last time I saw him was the previous Wednesday (almost 10 days ago). I sent him a text last Friday to see how he’s doing. He replied a few hours later saying that he’s having an awful day at work and would need a pint afterwards. I invited him over to come with my mates since we were going for a pint anyway. He replied to the invitation around midnight (a little bit too late). God forbid he couldn’t come and meet some of my friends. I’ve never met some of his also. I then contacted him on Tuesday evening to see how’s he doing and his replies were a bit weird that included words like ‘yo morfo’ (= hello, mother fucker), so I guessed before telling me that he was out for drinks.

He comes from a rough area (in Essex) and I know that that’s his weird sense of humour (I hope) and calling me a mother fucker is actually exchanging pleasantries. However, that’s not me. I’m more polite as a person and he just seems to be underestimating me. Anyway, I don’t want to sound like I’m a desperate complaining bitch (again) but I start to think the whole ‘he’s just not that into you’ business. If he was ‘into’ me, wouldn’t he try a little bit harder?

I just find him difficult to understand. I still don’t know what he’s looking for and what he wants from me. Is it just sex? Is he content with talking just once per week to arrange a weekly getting together or even less frequent that always ends up in sex? It would be easier if I only knew what he wanted. Could it be that he doesn’t know what he wants himself? (most likely)

Anyway, I’m finishing this complaining / projecting insecurities extravaganza. ‘Essex boy’ is old enough to make is decisions. I will not stay put waiting for him. I’ll try to go out with someone that shows a little bit more interest in me just because I deserve it…
(OK, I’m officially losing it)

Rambling Friday

-Technology is finally arriving our way. Since yesterday we have TV at my new place. YAY! For the time being we got ‘Freeview’. Later on we’ll see about different options, but for now our budget is tight and we wanted a fast solution. That means that I was in the very happy place to watch my favorite TV morning program: Auswitch, The Nazis and the Final Solution!! Honestly, who watches that at 8 in the morning? Is it going to make you all happy to face the day? Where could you be working to like morning programs like that? Not even in the local prison… So, I naturally switched to watch Lady GAGA talk about her ‘Bad Romance’ and Pikachu kick the ass of another Pokemon with silly name.
Hopefully, we’ll get our landline connection enabled today and I’ll be able to apply for broadband. Double YAY!

-Things start to look slightly grim at work. Since our clients are from the public sector, we are now having the aftermath of the recession. Their budget is cut even more which means much less income for us. People here (mostly the bosses) are being slightly grumpy about it (I’m being polite) which have an effect on our work. Also, that means that we are most likely not getting bonuses as accustomed at the end of November and there will not be none or minimal pay rise for next year. It is a bit irritating, since everybody else seems to be overcoming the crisis but anyway.

That made me think again about my career (my what?) and the different options I have. I’m thinking of getting some extra training and acquiring some extra certificates so that I’m prepared if everything goes really bad. The bad thing is that I have so many options at what to do that I’m confused. I can apply for e-learning, Open University, evening or weekend courses or just get some books and try to pass certificate exams. These of course are my options AFTER I’ve decided what exactly I want to learn (I know… minor detail).

-‘Essex Boy’ resurfaced as expected. I know I complained a bit about it (yes, just a bit) but you can’t blame me. He just appears and disappears randomly. He will reply to my text messages but will not contact me unless he wants and has the time to meet. I can now start to see the trend and expect what can be expected (which is not much for the time being to be honest). So, we met, went for a pint, then for Chinese dinner and ended at my place. We had fun and said that we might meet again on Sunday (fingers crossed). I will not of course sit idle waiting to see when he’s next available. I have dignity (some friends of mine can die laughing with that) and make my own plans. If I can and he’s available we’ll meet. Triple YAY...
I will not cancel my plans for him (again, I can hear laughter at the back of my head).

Blinded…

I moved to my new place three days ago and I already love it.
Moving day on Saturday was actually very eventful. We had severe weather conditions. There were very strong winds blowing and pouring rain at the same time. It made our lives more difficult but to be honest it was kind of fun as well (weird kind of fun). Apart from that the rental company gave as a van whose lights were not working, so had to go back and negotiate and argue, 10 minutes before closing time at noon. At some point we were sure that we would have to postpone moving.

Anyway, we managed to get the van, unload my housemate’s stuff, bring my stuff over and spend the rest of my Saturday tidying things up. My room looks nice at the moment, but to be honest I am not sure what I’ve put where. I have so many drawers and no bookshelves (yet). That means that all my books and comics (I have a lot) are in piles over them. My clothes are distributed in different places and I have to spend some minutes to find them… Eventually, I’ll get there…

The bad thing about moving places is setting it all up again. I have to chase and setup all utility bills. That of course includes the landline and internet connection. I’ve been living now for three days in a house without internet and TV and to be honest I feel isolated from the outside world, blinded. I really don’t know how we managed to cope before.


I remember the first time someone brought and connected to our family PC a dial-up modem (back then we only had one PC – now there’s more than one in each room). I think I was in high school. We didn’t know what to do with it (honestly). It was extremely slow, not many interesting websites existed and it felt like a waste of time not playing a game. Now, turning my laptop on is the first and last thing I do every day. I can’t not check the news, weather forecast and listen to the online radio before going to work.


It’s also sad but my personal life is affected by it as well. I can’t access my emails and my online dating sites! I can’t use IM or connect to my friends on facebook! I think I’m even missing people’s birthdays because of that.

I’ll have a landline on Friday. It takes them four working days! Four! I don’t even need a visit from an engineer. The previous tenant had the same company, so they just need to activate it again! Four days? That’s ridiculous!
After that, I have to go to apply for my broadband. I can’t do that without a landline. So, I’ll apply on Friday. I was told that will take up to eight days to be activated! Eight? What will I do until then? Should I learn smoke signals?

Speaking of signals, ‘Essex boy’ has kind of disappeared. Ok, not ‘kind of’, he disappeared. When we parted the Sunday before this, he said that he had a really nice time with me and he suggested meeting during the week and I agreed. I was the one texting him during the week every two or three days (not to be too overwhelming). He was replying to my messages but to be honest I wanted him to look for me too.

I invited him over on Saturday for dinner to my new place and he said he can’t and also added (in the same text) and he would be busy all day Sunday as well. The way he mentioned it in advance, before even me mentioning it, I didn’t like. Probably he will resurface and look for me, but I’m not going to try to contact him. The last time I contacted him was on Saturday and today it’s Tuesday. Maybe I’m overreacting (again) but I think that a text message every two days is not too much to ask for.

That sounds kind of desperate. I’m not heartbroken of course or anything, but without internet or ‘Essex Boy’ to play around, I feel a little bit bored. My leg hurts and I can’t even go running…

Feeling good…

I got the keys to my new apartment! I’m moving probably this Saturday there and to be honest I can’t wait! I’ve posted the issues I’ve been having with my current arrangement so you know why. My new flat feels like more of a proper home. I will be living with one of my best friends in a decent size, double bedroom and two bathrooms flat that is also close to work. What more to ask?

Maybe I could ask for something (being greedy as always). I would like to be able to put my finger on my nose, move it a bit, do magic and make all my stuff and furniture move and also the bills and internet sorted! That means that I need magical powers for some days. No? Oh, well… I had to try…

I really don’t how we managed to survive without internet connection during the Dark Ages (10 years ago?). Hopefully, I might find some kind of unsecured wireless to secretly use for the days until I get connected…

Speaking of internet, I did my research on self-harm and I now know a couple of things more on the subject. I’ve decided not to let it bother me at all and keep on what I was doing before. I will keep on seeing ‘Essex Boy’ and try to get to know him more. I will just keep an eye on the marks…

Now, it’s time I went back to keep on packing! Do I sound excited? (No, I am not…)

Uncharted territory…

I had a very nice weekend that left me at the end feeling very worried at the end, but first thing first…

I had a scheduled 10k run yesterday. I spent the day before relatively taking it easy and wandering around in my area… That’s a couple of pictures I took with my mobile that day (I don’t think I have a talent in photography):

Relaxing time having breakfast (guy in red hoodie was really hot):

Wandering around West London:

My first Christmas sign of the year (way too early if you ask me)

The race took place in Richmond and it went well (?). It was not for charity, but we applied for it so that we could keep us motivated and training for the upcoming half marathon. There was no train service to the area and most people (like us) found it difficult to get there. That caused massive queues at the lockers and the chip (time measuring device) giving booths at the last minute before the race. Not having enough personnel was not very helpful either. It was a bit frustrating and it got even worse when the race began with lots of people (including us) still in a queue!!!! That made us start running after checking in our bags with absolutely no warming up at 4 (freezing) degrees! I was really feeling bad for the first couple of kilometers, cold and out of breath. I managed to keep up and finish in around an hour. I wanted to finish the race in less time but considering the circumstances I don’t want to complain. The area that we covered was really nice though.

People queuing:

I spent the rest of my Sunday with ‘Essex Boy’. I had a very nice time. We enjoyed each other company and I believe that it is going quite well. He is very cute, caring, has a weird sense of humor that I like and I think that I can feel relaxed and as myself around him. (Not to mention sex is hot).

The thing that got me really worried is that he is one of the people that inflict pain on him. I don’t know the correct terminology or how to put it correctly. I feel a bit weird even writing about it. He has cut marks and burn marks on his arm (at least not many – but how many are TOO many). I of course asked him about it in a curious, laughing about it way, because I didn’t want to sound judgmental. I met him only a couple of times and I am in no position to make any serious comments on it. He told me that the last time he did something like that it was over six months ago (true according to the marks). He then asked me if he is the first person I met doing it and I said yes. I have totally no experience on the matter and it is freaking me out a bit. I will google it and see what I can find. Am I overreacting or not? I will try to talk to him about it again and truthfully ask him how worried I should be. I don’t know what answer I’ll get though….

Please, any comments would be appreciated.

Rambling about various things…

I’m reaching my 50th post soon (probably in a week or so) and I was thinking that I should do something with the template of my blog. I know that 50 posts are nothing compared to others, but to be honest, I’m pretty happy that I’ve stick to it so far and I want to keep on blogging. It was an experiment that for the time being is on its 4th month and going well. It’s a bit of a disgrace to keep a premade template by ‘blogger’ instead of creating something of my own. That needs some searching though to check what options I have, that I do not know if I have to time to do. What I’m thinking at the moment is to play around with Photoshop and some pictures I have. We’ll see…

If you’re running a blog of your own, are you using a template you found online for free, ordered online, created on your own, based on an existing free one and modified it according to your needs?

I spoke to the ‘Essex Boy’ yesterday. I was in doubt whether to contact him or not. You know how it is. I didn’t want to sound desperate (contacting him too early) or indifferent (too late). The last time I texted him, was after leaving his place, on Wednesday really early in the morning. I thought that it was over a 36h period, so I did (and I’m happy I did). I sent him something a bit vague and general (how are you? I’m ok kind of thing). It took him a while to reply (if he did that on purpose he’s good) that got me a bit worried at first. But he suggested meeting this weekend (woohoo).

I’m doing a run this Sunday really early in the morning so I can’t really go out on Saturday, so I suggested meeting on Sunday in the afternoon / evening. He then suggested going to ‘National Gallery’ that was a bit surprising because (a) I find it going there a bit romantic (maybe that’s just me), (b) I thought he would suggest going somewhere for a beer or (c) meet somewhere that we’ll be alone together. Ok, I confess that this is probably not very kind of me, but you might give me some credit if you knew many people from Essex. Anyway, I’m happy we’re meeting anyhow and I will not say another word for it.

So, on Sunday morning I’m doing a 10k run in Richmond. It’s supposed to be a fun day because I’m going there with friends also doing the run and moreover I know about some people that are coming to cheer for us defying the cold and probably the rain. Yes, it will most likely be freezing (to go running in shorts) at 9 in the morning on Sunday (they say about 7 – 8 degrees) at least at the beginning and raining (typical for London in November). I also found out today that the tube line servicing the area will not operate on Sunday for scheduled construction works so it will probably take us a while to get there. Thinking about all these, I am not sure our friends will come to cheer for us…

OK, that was really good.

I went on a date yesterday with the ‘Essex Boy’ (he’s new). OK, I know what you’re going to think because he’s from Essex, but I would like to defend him and say that he’s not like that (totally). OK, one of his favorite pastimes, which he also described as a hobby, is drinking (expected). He doesn’t wear golden jewelry though (he doesn’t even have a golden tooth – and they ARE so sexy) (I’m kidding)…

Anyway, it all started a couple of weeks ago. He left me a message on my online profile and I got back to him after that, so we started talking for a couple of days. When I suggested meeting for a pint he said that he would rather chat a little bit more before that. I found that VERY weird because it was the first time being rejected to meet but agreed to keep on exchanging messages. I never thought we would actually meet but kept on replying to his messages as normal.

I think two more weeks went by and at some point he suggested meeting. I asked him why he changed his mind and he said that he is doing a strict selection with whom he’s going out with and I seemed like a nice guy (nice to hear – don’t know if it’s true). We exchanged mobile phone numbers and started talking through text messages and on the phone. I was still unsure about whether we would actually meet and I was being very casual and teasing when talking to him.

Example of our txt messages conversation:
He: What is your profile name? I can’t seem to find it. Is it hidden?
Me: It’s ***. No, don’t think it’s hidden. I updated it recently though and it might be invisible. Why? Are you showing me around?
He: Oh, yeah. Found it. No, I just wanted something to laugh at
Me: Glad to be of help
He: I was only teasing. :-)
Me: Is that guilt I hear? I didn’t know you had this emotion. I know you were teasing
…

This in general is not the typical kind of conversation I’d have with someone I haven’t even met. I liked though the fact that he was being a smartass (in a good way) and witty so I decided to go out with him and to be honest I haven’t regretted it.


We met in a pub and we had a couple of pints. Because I was getting tipsy (and I was trying to be clever with rule number 8 of dating) we went for me to grab a bite (he already had dinner) and headed off to another pub where I had some vodka drinks (VERY clever, I know).

In a nutshell I found him a very interesting but a bit weird person (in a slightly good way). He listens to indie / rock music and pop from the 80’s (good). When he was a child he wanted to be a Vampire (??) and of course likes watching horror movies. He likes opera and ballet but doesn’t like theatre and musicals. He likes the image of Jesus for decorative reasons (without being religious). Works in sales and marketing department of a company he hates, but would like to get involved into counseling. And don’t get me started on the decoration of his house. In general the conversation was running smoothly with only very few moments of silence.

Speaking of decoration, yes he invited me over to spend the night and I agreed. By that time, after the vodka I had, I was making fun of him about how I might wake up in a bathtub filled with ice and missing a kidney. The alcohol I consumed however helped me agreed on going along (don’t call me a slut) but to be honest it was totally a conscious choice.

We ended up at his place around midnight and we had our share of fun. He is quite passionate and tender and we clicked very well (at least that is what I think). The only problem I have (as usual) is the sleeping part. As I think I’ve mentioned in the past I cannot be touched / cuddled, relax and fall asleep. I need my space and be left alone. I generally get very warm and if someone holds me as well I feel trapped (not pleasant), worried that I shouldn’t move not to disturb them. However, I do find it very impolite to simply turn my back, ignore the other person and try to fall asleep, so I try to play along at least for a while. Added to that the foreign environment (not to mention the foreign snoring person) I didn’t sleep much last night…


Anyway, I am not complaining though… I had fun and I do hope to meet the ‘Essex Boy’ again. I’ll just try now not to think about it much (yeah right)…