Then you’re gay, he told me and I started crying. Everything had changed. That moment I knew that I could never go back. I had to find a new path, change direction in life and start fresh. I could no longer lie to myself and others, I could no longer pretend to have girlfriends.
That was the first gay I’ve ever met, that I’ll call A. I was already on my third year in the university (yes, I know, I am a bit slow). It was early September and I was trying to study for my exams. These years, before facebook was even invented and msn widely used, mIRC (www.mirc.com) was very popular. It was a way to find people online to chat, on different channels. There was the channel called ‘#gayhellas’. I had the suspicion that I was gay until then (I am not that delusional), but I was still in denial and I had my doubts, so I was online, checking the gay Greek channel without speaking to anyone. Then a guy with the nickname ‘x1x1x1x’ talked to me. That was A. It’s funny how I still remember that username…
He asked me about my sexual fantasies and dreams. I replied honestly that ultimately, in a perfect world, if I could decide, I would select a guy for my partner and not a girl. That is when he told me ‘you’re gay. It’s nothing to worry about. Just deal with it.’
I don’t know exactly why I started crying. It was so weird hearing (reading) someone else say it to me. It was like a huge burden I was carrying until then, simple disappeared. I felt free and relieved. It’s silly, but that moment so many things in my life changed. I finally accepted myself for who I was.
I think that it is without importance to say that I failed that week’s every exam.
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