Monday, 12 October 2009

Another one bites the dust…

I have this song stuck into my head and I cannot get it out. I will probably keep on singing in my head, until I finish this post!

I had my very first spin class on Saturday morning that my personal trainer just started giving. It was quite nice. Although at the end, I could with difficulty keep myself in an upright position on the bicycle. According to my trainer though, we did a tough session, since the rest of the class was quite experienced. He might have said that just to keep me going though (he needs the class as popular as possible). I’ve decided to give it at least another try. I might be hiding some masochistic tendencies. Who knows?

After that, I met ‘Mr. T’ as arranged. The weather was very nice and we had a very nice walk along Thames that day. We also sat at a very nice spot to enjoy coffee and lunch. We ended up at his place to order Chinese takeaway and watch X-factor. He’s a fan, but it was the first time that I ever had to watch so much of it (I don’t have a TV set in my place anyway). I felt quite comfortable staying there and thankfully he didn’t mind having small chats now and then while the program was running.

Overall I had a really nice time and I ended up spending my whole weekend with him. We chatted a bit about us. He agreed that we are still in a getting-to-know-each-other place so we should take it slow and see what happens. I wanted to make that point because I get the feeling that he wants to rush things that a bit freaks me out. We had that fight two weeks ago and I am still a bit hesitant of the whole situation and what to expect.

My friend ‘gb’ describes a type of people as octopuses. These people tend to rely too much on their significant other and live and breathe through their relationships. They are in general too jealous and demanding from the beginning. That is why they jump into the next relationship way too soon and fast. He believes that ‘Mr. T’, being a bit insecure and introvert, is one of them. For some, this kind of relationships is good, because they need that extreme feeling of belonging and they can thrive in it. For me (and ‘gb’), this kind of relationships make me feel suffocated and struggling for freedom. I need some ‘me’ time and I need some time with friends as well, without my boyfriend around all the time. I don’t like being asked all the time where I was and with whom. I can get a bit jealous myself and I even like if someone is a bit jealous of me. However, there should be a silver lining and a limit to all this and not let any situation get out of hand.

So, I was a bit suspicious of ‘Mr. T’ and was trying to see whether he falls into this category. I know that I shouldn’t be judgmental, but I couldn’t help it. If we didn’t have this argument before, I wouldn’t probably do it. He did complain a bit about me booking my Christmas holidays because he’s going to be all alone and stuck in London. And he also mentioned that he saw in his dream that my family came to visit us (we were living together) and were proud of my choice of being with him!

Both stories totally freaked me out! He said that he was kidding about the first one and agreed (with some difficulty) that we might not even be in speaking terms until then and that it’s a bit too soon to make holiday plans together (we’ve only met three times)! I couldn’t really tell whether he was joking or not. However, I could see that he would very much like us to be together until then and spend our holidays together.
I managed to justify the dream story because of the talk we had before going to sleep (not going to bed, going to sleep – different things). We chatted a lot about my family that evening and I even called some of its members in his presence because of some recent events.

On the other hand, two things happened that work in favor of ‘Mr. T’. I mentioned going out to a gathering of gay people the day before we met for a certain event and also ‘gb’ accidentally called me at 4:30 in the morning of Sunday waking us up. In both occasions, he didn’t seem bothered or jealous. He even seemed a bit interested in the event itself and asked me a couple of things about it (not if I met someone etc).

Maybe, I’m over analyzing everything when I shouldn’t. Maybe I’m trying to find this octopus when it doesn’t exist. ‘Mr. T’ is nice, caring, interesting and cute and I would love to see him again. He also knows how to cook (always a plus). Maybe I need to see what's bringing us together instead of what separates us. Maybe I need a slap in the face to stop pondering / worrying…

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