Wednesday, 28 October 2009


Recently (for the last 3 weeks) I’ve being going out with ‘Mr. T’ (just him) and I thought that it was going quite well considering the bad beginning we had. I knew that he had some insecurity issues but I hoped that we could work something out, meaning that if he saw that I liked him he might overcome some issues he had.

The truth is that I did like him and wanted to get to know him more. However, the whole jealousy and insecurity issue was getting a bit ridiculous. Before judging me, let me say that I know that everybody’s insecure and need from time to time some reassurance and confidence boost. I am of course one of them. However, I believe that there is a line not to cross, especially at the beginning of a new relationship...

I’ve known ‘Mr. T’ the last month and a half. I know that he has weight issues (according to him), meaning that he is a bit overweight but is doing everything he can to get back in shape. I’ve told him that I don’t care and since he’s been going to the gym 5 times per week, he’ll reach his goal in no time. Me reassuring him is not enough. He’s been having insecurity crises regularly as well.

When I was in Greece I let him know that I arrived safely and what I was doing that day with my brother and friends. He replied that he is happy for that, but his plans for the weekend is hiding his hideous self from the outside world since he is too ugly and fat to leave his apartment (ouch). I tried to make him feel better (again) and told him that I find him very sweet, kind and cute and that he shouldn’t be thinking like that. I added that he has to try to like and love himself. It’s not easy, but worthwhile.
Even Whitney Houston believes that this is the Greatest Love of all. She must know something more:His reply to that was that he feels like an emotional, insecure and defeatist wreck (his words) and needs some time to find himself and that I should be patient. To his question about whether I could be patient I couldn’t and didn’t reply. I know that each relationship has its ups and downs and needs time and effort. However, I can’t even say that we are in a relationship since we are still beginning to know each other! I don’t think that I should be feeling like having to try that hard to make this work. We are having way too many issues and it is still too early for that (there are some other things I really cannot disclose at the moment).
I might be too idealist but I believe that I should be feeling more in love at the moment and not struggling!

While being in Greece I stopped contacting him that often and when I got back I told him that I am back and tried to express my fears and doubts. I didn’t tell him to stop seeing each other but I sent him a text (it took me more than an hour to write) about my feelings of fears and doubt. I sincerely wanted to discuss it with him and maybe feel reassured that my efforts are not going to waste. His reply was that he understands where I’m coming from, that he really has too many issues to deal with and that the best course of action is to stop seeing each other!
I felt really sad because he gave up (again) too easily. Maybe he’s feeling guilty of the pressure he was putting on me and wanted to end it quickly. However, I have the feeling that deep down inside he believes that he doesn’t deserve to be loved and cared for and in a way likes being dumped and sorry for himself. He likes being a drama queen and like a proper masochist secretly enjoys suffering. I will probably never know.

My question (ok – in plural) is this: Did I do wrong by sending him the text telling him how I feel? I know that I should have confronted him in person but I couldn’t wait till the next weekend when we would meet again. Did I give up too easily? Should I have tried more?

And most important of all: Should I text him to see if he’s OK?

(ok, I take that back – I shouldn’t text him. I can’t be the one to help him overcome our ‘breaking up’. But I’m human and I still care for him and I should see how he is, right? No, I should be firm and stand for my decision… argh… I need help)


  1. a relationship should make both parts happy. you trying (not succesfully) to make him happy, and feeling guilty for not doing so, wasn't going to last. there's only so much you can try.
    however I think it's fine for you to see if he's ok. so text him whenever you feel up to it..

  2. Just my two cents here.
    Relationship stuff should never be done by texting. A call or face to face is the healthiest way to handle these situations. Not necessarily for the other person but, for your own empowerment.

    Just my take.

  3. i don't think texting is totally out of the question. if you genuinely want to see if he's ok, go for it. maybe even just give him a call. i mean, you care for him. no harm in reaching out. as long as it's something you want to do. :)

  4. Steven, I am not going to argue with you on that. You are right that I shouldn't have texted him but called. However, my intentions were not to say to stop seeing him. It just went a little bit too far...

    Godfrey and e. you are probably right. There's no harm in checking on him