Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Dating… (I wonder why?)

When you go on a date there are some things that you look for. I have a friend that will only go out with someone that has facial hair. He is into big hairy guys. I have another friend that like men that have that young, baby-face, kind of look. He is instantly put off if he sees some hair popping out of someone’s v-neck. Apart from that, there is the option of the blondes, the dark haired, the Asian, the Latinos, etc… It’s all about someone’s taste.

Luckily enough in a place like London, there are all sorts of people and ways to find them. There are the bars that the trendy young people go, bars that the ‘bears’ go, bars for the ‘musclebears’ etc… However, apart from the looks, very important is the character (unless you’re looking for casual sex and not a boyfriend). I was thinking about the laws of attractions after I went on a date yesterday.

When I go on dates, I try to find people, not exclusively extremely good looking, but who have something promising regarding their personality. Do not get me wrong. Of course I go out with people that I find attractive, but I try at least to talk to them before going out to see what they are like. I generally enjoy these people with whom you can have an easy, floating conversation. I also like people that put some effort and while exchanging messages online they reply with more than a single sentence, a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. That is why I sometimes love having an argument (always civilized) with someone, just for the sake of it in a fun, kidding way. That is also why I often play the devil’s advocate, even if I don’t agree with it. I just love being mentally challenged.

That is exactly what did not happen on my date. He was in his mid thirties, sweet and educated. However, I found him to be extremely boring. I had to struggle to get a conversation going. OK, I admit I am not the most exciting or interesting person alive. I haven’t climbed Mount Everest, did sky diving (yet), went backpacking across Latin America or visited the North Pole (you know what I mean). However, I do have an opinion (good or bad) on some matters. I have some interests (like comic books, maps, books, theatre, travelling) that I can get passionate and discuss about. After spending an hour and half with him, I didn’t have a clue about his.

The only thing I totally understood was that he was so anxious to get into a relationship and find his one true love! He told me how he broke up with his ex of 7 years (not a very hot topic on a first date) some years ago. How they weren’t in love (ever) but he was his first lover and was used to living with him (they came together to live in London).

He also advised me against some men that you chat online because they might be telling you lies (I pretended to be very shocked when I heard that) and pretend they are in love with you! From what I understood, my date started chatting online with a guy, let’s call him the ‘liar’, first through messages and then on the phone. The ‘liar’ pretended to be in love with my date and they ended up talking for hours. The ‘liar’ at some point admitted that he doesn’t live in London but in Nigeria.

He said that he left UK to work for a while in Nigeria, but got fired and needed money to get back to London, to see his true love (my date). So, he asked money from him (at this point I was truly shocked because I feared for the rest of the story) and my date obliged! I was not told the details, but apparently my date gave him a couple of times, a reasonable amount of money, each time!!!! It was after some time that my date (FINALLY!!!) understood that he was played for a sucker, would never see his love and that he was probably one of many getting ripped like that (and it’s not like he comes from a wealthy family to support him)!

So, as you can see why, that date did not go that well! I do not know what saddens me most. In general, he is a good guy (definitely not for me) but I really fear for him. I don’t know how he’ll manage to survive. Maybe I am being very cynical and he is one of the few remaining romantics. However, I think that after a while, you develop some life experience that makes your skin a bit thicker! I also wonder about my date’s friends. I am pretty sure that even if in the extreme case I fell for something like that, my friends would have been there to stop or control me… No?


  1. Oh Nik! Talk about gullible! I can't believe he kept sending the guy many times does it take before a person gets it?

    Anyway, I get what you're saying about struggling to get a conversation going. I recently went on a few dates with someone who was really nice and funny, but he wouldn't open up. After 2 weeks of seeing him, I had no clue what to think about him other than he was nice and funny.

    By the way, I love the 'Some People Are Gay. Get Over It!' image. I remember seeing that all over 'the Tube' the last time I was in London.

  2. @Bobby Funnily enough, my current boyfriend also went on a date with the same guy! The date told 'JJ' the same story scaring him away of course! It was really funny when he told me that...
    The 'Some people are gay, get over it' comes in a t-shirt as well. You want one?

  3. What a small world! That's so funny. Did 'JJ' tell you about his experience with him first or did you tell 'JJ' first?

    Is the t-shirt available online?

  4. @bobby I saw my date at the list of 'JJ's facebook friends and I couldn't not comment on it. JJ told me he added him when they were chatting, before actually meeting.
    We did laugh that day...