Friday, 9 October 2009

Second chances

I’ve always believed in second chances. I believe that there are occasions where a weakness gets the better of you and you make mistakes. However, there are mistakes and mistakes. Some of them can easily forgiven, some of them still hurt…

When I recall what happened with ‘L,’ even 5 months later, I get a weird feeling in my gut. The words we’ve exchanged and the way things ended were so bad. It wasn’t just a fight that could be forgiven and forgotten. These were probably some of the worse days of my life. I was pushed to my limits and without enough good reason. Now, of course we don’t speak to each other and I don’t think we ever will. That is not particular me, meaning that I don’t fight often with people and keep a grudge. However, this is something that will not probably change.

‘Mr.T’ on the other hand, is different. He let his insecurities and fears get the worse of him and felt threatened of allowing me in his life. He even refused getting to know me more. We had met only once and his spasmodic reaction was a bit bad and also hurtful. I know that and I let him know that as well. When he suggested meeting though and maybe giving it another chance I agreed. I felt that he was going through a tough time at that time and I excused his reaction. I believe that a second chance should be given to us at least to get to know each other…

I know that I might regret it. I fear that he might become insecure again and extremely jealous. I think that I can see small signs of these things already happening (or is it just me?).
Can I truly turn blank page and start fresh without the fear that he might snap again and push me away? Will I see the signs in time and save myself from being suffocated from such a relationship?

Am I simply overreacting? We still don’t even know each other. We’ve met only 2 times (the second time briefly), even if we’ve spent a lot of time talking and exchanging emails. He is kind, caring, and cute and sex is great. Maybe I should concentrate more on these facts. I have a small voice in my head trying to tell me to relax, give it a chance and enjoy it and another telling me to get away as much as I can before it’s too late. Am I losing it?

1 comment:

  1. This is the part where I say "you've gotta take chances. So what if your heart gets stepped on, at least you tried.” Go get’m tiger!