In five days I’m running my half marathon and to be honest I’m quite excited about it. My race number is ‘11063’ (I think) and I’ve read that 15,000 people registered for the run. It will be so packed… I haven’t been very lucky weather wise or with my physical health for my training but I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine and I’ll manage to finish my 13.1 miles (even if it kills me). I just know that it will not be a fast race for me. I just hope I will not finish last. At least I managed to raise some money for ‘Cancer Research UK’.
On a very more serious and far more important issue ‘JJ’ told me that he loves me and I said the same to him. I really don’t want to brag about it and it even feels weird writing about it. We were lying on my bed, I just finished giving him a back massage and we were just there, sharing a comfortable silence. He then said that he loves me. I can’t describe how beautiful it made me feel.
I have in general an issue with expressing my feelings verbally and using the ‘L’ word even with friends or family. I don’t know if he realizes that (I hope he does) but I might have to explain it to him to avoid any misunderstandings. I replied that I’m falling in love with him as well but still I haven’t uttered these three words independently, on my own: ‘I <3 you’. I can almost feel all my female friends grinding their teeth and rolling their eyes. I don’t know if it’s a ‘man’ thing.
I can’t really put my finger on it. I fear that I might jinx the whole thing by provoking the fates admitting that I love him. I fear that the moment I tell him I love him he’ll turn into a frog or something, we’ll start having major fights and all hell will break lose. Like most humans out there I’ve been hurt in the past and I’m now trying to be cautious (excuses). That is why I’ve even started this post by talking about my run and not ‘JJ’. I just need my time… (I have to appreciate how patient he’s being with me)…
PS. Wozzel or Paige or anyone else that can help, if you’re reading this, can I ask you for a few ‘spicy’ things I can tell ‘JJ’ in Afrikaans to surprise him?