Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Washing dishes

After spending some hours in the library on Saturday (fortunately I didn’t have a hangover) I went to JJ’s place for dinner (and staying over). When I arrived there I found him finishing cooking (steak, fries, boiled vegetables and butternut squash soup for starter). I could see from the very first minute that he was in a weird state and that something was bothering him. His eyes had a bizarre sparkle on them.

I thought about if for a minute. I tried to remember if I had forgotten something important (birthday, anniversary, groceries etc) and I was to blame for his obvious bad mood. I couldn’t think of something, so I asked him what was up. He told me he had a fight with both his housemates. After feeling slightly relieved I wasn’t the cause of this, I asked him about what happened.

One of the housemates almost burnt the house. She was cooking and left the toaster on ‘reheat’ with an old kitchen towel on top! When JJ arrived home from work the towel of course was extremely hot and slightly smoking. He wasn’t very happy about it (I wonder why) so he told that housemate off. That whole incident put him in an annoyed mood that became an angry mood towards the other housemate who hadn’t cleaned anything in ages! Next to the burning toaster a big pile of dirty dishes welcomed a tired JJ from work, who was thinking about having a nice quiet dinner with me later that evening. All that made him quite cross with both of them. Needless to say that both housemates were retired to their rooms when I arrived and while staying there for the whole evening I didn’t see any of them.

Anyway, after a while, he relaxed and was his normal happy self. I helped him set the table and cleaned the dishes we made (it’s only fair that one cooks, the other cleans). After dinner (it was amazing by the way), when I was relaxing with JJ I asked him about the whole thing. My exact words were: “In 25 years, when we will be living together, will you be so mad at me like that when I leave the dishes dirty?” That question of course started negotiations about when we might be living together. You know how it goes. I said 25 years, he said 25 days. I said 10 years, he said 10 months. We finally left it to about 2 years… I implied we will discuss it in 2 years, he believes that we will live together in two years.

Anyway, what I really meant was the fact that in the future, when we will be living together, our everyday lives will be catching up. It will not be all ‘roses’ and ‘pedals’ (you know what I mean) and that minor things happening (dirty dishes) will not be dealt always nicely. That is what I sometimes think and worry about: everyday friction changing the way we treat one another. I know that now he will happily be washing dishes without complaining. What about in two - three years? (You know that the dishes are only a metaphor, right?)


  1. even in the most "perfect" of relationships, and i dont believe in those - there are always dirty dishes - it's fun though, and worth it. All part of growing up. Like i say to D all the time "loving you is one of the hardest things i've ever had to do, but it is still my favourit thing to do"

    And yes, i know the dishes are just a metaphor :)

  2. oh come on!

    the real matter in any relationship is do you trust each other? and will you help me with my weaknesses?

    We're at the crossroads.
    we help each other to understand each other!
    so the only metaphor in relationship is "how many years could we be together?"

    bloody hell i never counts, but it already 8. lol

  3. @wozzel I knew you would get it. You're a bright lad. No, I don't think a perfect relationship exists as well...

    @Suf_n_Steve "how many years could we be together?" That's a tough one...

  4. Nik, are you implying you are reluctant to live with JJ because you are afraid in the future things won't be as good as they are now? I got news for you: they won't be. But only in some ways. In other ways things will be better. Much better. There are good things and bad things about living with someone. I think the good outweighs the bad. Greg and I were 9 months into our relationship when we decided to move in together. It's one of the best decisions I ever made. Embrace your fear Nik, and conquer it.

  5. if you know you will, why wait?

    Xfe and I moved in after our 3rd date, which was the 4th time we met, and it was decided within 10 days of first meeting him. That was then, many years ago, and now we are married. Husband and husband!


  6. @Cubby Yes, that is what I am saying.
    "Embrace your fear and conquer it". I wouldn't say it's fear. I'd say it's mostly worry (as always).

    @MadeInScotland I can't be that impulsive. That's not how I work (unfortunately)...

    I like both your stories and advice though very much... Thanks