Thursday, 5 August 2010


OK, it’s not news to me that relationships sometimes need hard work. That it is not all the time journeys, celebrations and parties. Sometimes you need to make compromises; you need to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see the problem from every possible angle. Sometimes however that can be very hard and exhausting…

As you can see from the beginning of my post, I’m going to complain a bit today. I have some stuff to take out of my chest. The problem with ‘JJ’ is not something major and it has almost been sorted, but for the time being I still have a slight bitter taste in my mouth…

It all started two days ago. I had a friend visiting and we suggested going to the theatre to see the ‘Habit of Art’ in the National Theatre. I asked ‘JJ’ if he wanted to join us. He mentioned that he is a bit tired and that the play which starts at 19:30 in the evening lasts for 2.5 hours when he has to get very early the next to go to work. Of course I didn’t insist about it and wished him a nice quiet night, to get some rest.

However, the plans changed and my guest suggested meeting in a very nice wine bar by the ‘Embankment’ station. We would be joined by another South African friend of my guest. I mentioned that we might not go to the theatre to ‘JJ’ but I didn’t talk about it much, since he had mentioned that he was tired. We did indeed stay in the wine bar for the evening enjoying some bottles of wine and nice food.

The following morning ‘JJ’ texted me asking me how the play was. I told him that we didn’t go but had some nice wine next door. I didn’t think more of it and let the subject drop. However, when I talked to ‘JJ’ some hours later, he told me that he was feeling depressed, had a very bad day at work and he was outside of his work smoking! He used to smoke some years ago but I thought that he can’t stand the smell anymore, so I figured that the situation is bad.

I forced him to talk about what happened and also made him meet me. He said that the main reason he was feeling so bad was the fact that he thought that I didn’t want him to come with us the day before! He wasn’t having the best day at work and he started thinking over and over in his head what happened, making this small issue (which wasn’t supposed to be an issue) huge!

I tried to calm his insecurities, although I did find them unfounded. There was a major issue created from nothing. I spent some part of the evening trying to reassure him that it a simple misunderstanding and nothing more to worry about. Of course I wanted him with us that evening. I believe that the issue became worse because JJ has been working non stop for the last days and he really needs some rest to think clear.

After a while, he understood that he was overreacting which brought a second wave of apologies from his part about creating this issue. He apologised about his working long hours, feeling tired most of the time, being grumpy because of that and all this kind of nonsense which I don’t believe. It’s so normal to have some bad days. My motto is ‘Go to bed early, to make them these days fly away. After a good night sleep most things look so much nicer.’ However, he refused to go to bed early, like a five year old, telling me that he’s a bad boyfriend for falling asleep early when we spend the night together!


I forced him to go to bed and made sure he stayed there. Fortunately, he was asleep in seconds. I think that he’s better today. We managed to laugh about it a bit… However, that display of insecurity made me uncomfortable. I feel I have a responsibility about our relationship now. I fear that if something does really go wrong in the future how he will react! That thought alone puts a pressure on me…

Yesterday really left me psychologically drained and exhausted… I really do need a break…


  1. though very maturely handled.

    always best to talk these things through.


  2. I understand you.
    Anyway, what happened is somehow "sweet"(?). He really wanted to be with you - that has to be a good sign mate =)
    At least he apologized and is not a fraking proud guy like my man.
    Everything's gonna be ok - just go with the flow! And do as you feel you should do.

  3. @MadeInScotland Thanks. Acting maturely in a relationship is something new to me...

    @Pedders Yes, you can say it's sweet. He did apologise and he is trying now to be extra nice to me. I'm being spoiled... :-D

  4. I can see my self playing JJ in this particular piece... I do think you handled things very well! I too work long hours and get very tired which impacts on my ability to socialise with my man and his friends... we got through it! I'm sure you will overcome whatever problems the future holds.

  5. @Mike The thing is that I never mentioned I have a problem with his work. I really don't. I can understand that he has to work and that he'll be tired after a difficult day. I just don't like creating extra problems when there shouldn't be any, making our lives even more complicated...

  6. This happens in any relationship - it's the small things that drives people crazy. I remember reading in your blog that JJ was older than you - maybe that has a part to play - he is probably feeling left out....well I'm not siding with anyone, but just that these things happen and that it's good to look back and laugh and put it behind you both!

  7. @SteveA Yes, 'JJ' is 7 years older than me but I don't know if it is an age thing. Insecurities are age-free.
    We are indeed looking back at it laughing, although I am not exactly sure it will not happen again...