Friday, 4 March 2011

The countdown…

In less than a week’s time it’s my birthday. What’s a bit special about that is the fact that I’m turning 30, the big three and Oh! It’s quite a nice number and it’s the change of a decade, so everybody’s been telling me to do something extravagant / different that I will remember for the decade to come.

I have been fortunate enough to have memorable celebrations of my birthdays, good or bad. I remember children parties with friends from school, I remember dressing up parties and dancing till the morning in university, I remember serving in the army guarding a post at 4:00 in the morning in freezing cold and I remember being in Las Vegas the year after.

What’s a bit special about turning thirty is my past and how I viewed back then this milestone. When I was a young 14 – 19 year old lad, during my teenage years, I was so closeted, I couldn’t even see any light outside the closet. I remember having these depression crises wondering why this ‘thing’ had happened to me and why I was having these different feelings. I remember asking this unanswered ‘why?’ and ‘why did it have to happen to me?’ over and over again without of course getting any answers.

I was afraid of everything. I was afraid that the ‘awful’ truth would come out. I was afraid that I would disappoint my parents and friends. I was afraid that people would think I’m a freak and I would end up eternally alone not having the courage or the chance to fall in love and have a ‘normal’ life (as they believe it to be). According to the media back then (and sometimes still now), gay people do not get a chance to create a happy family. They all end up badly either being brutally murdered, dying from overdose or becoming prostitutes.

During these times I was foolishly thinking like that since I didn’t know any better. There was no internet to find likeminded people, no gay friendly places to go in my small town, or even a family or friend acquaintance to ask for advice. I was having some dark thoughts. My desperation and loneliness made me think that this kind of life is not worth living and I had thought of suicide. I had decided though that I would give my life a chance until I was thirty (thankfully)! I was sure that if by that time, I was still alone to that degree, still closeted and depressed, I was just put a stop to it.

That is why turning 30 is now so important. I started thinking again about how I was feeling then and my journey to this point. I’d really like to think that if my teenage self could see where I am now, he would be happy or at least content. Life can be a real pain in the butt sometimes, that’s no big secret, but generally she can be so good sometimes. What I believe I lacked back then was hope. That is why I loved initiatives like ‘It gets better’. I am so grateful for so many things in life now, many more than I was back then.

Generally, I’m not worried about growing older (yet). OK, I have recently noticed a dark hair or two on my chest giving me a fright (but at least my round face remains unwrinkled). I feel like I have so many things to see and do. I have so many unfulfilled dreams and goals that will take at least another 35 years to accomplish so I will be busy till I reach 70.

So, the bottom line is that it’s time to celebrate! I’ve already been to the Opera this week; I was taken to a magnificent restaurant called ‘Babylon’ (with a bill matching my vacation budget) and to the theatre to watch ‘The children’s hour’ yesterday. The latter was really amazing. The cast and the direction were simply exquisite. I didn’t think that Keira Knightley could act so well. I feared she would be cold, distant and boring but she wasn’t. I also loved the rest of the cast which included big names like the Golden Globe nominated Elisabeth Moss, the award winning Ellen Burstyn and the award nominated Carol Kane. I don't watch Mad Men so I didn't really know Moss but I loved movies with Burstyn and Kane and I was looking forward to seeing them too.

The final act of my birthday celebration is that JJ is taking me away for the week. We’re flying Tuesday morning for a few days to Venice. I’ve never been there before and I hope I’ll love it. Everybody’s been saying that it’s simply amazing. I promise to take lots and lots of pictures to show you. I simply can’t wait.

(I hope this post doesn't seem like I'm bragging about myself. I just want to say how grateful and happy I am)


  1. Have a GREAT birthday! My 30's were/are awesome (I'm in my final year of them, so I'm holding onto that!!) and I'm sure yours will be too. Enjoy Venice...I've been and I loved it, and I'm sure you and JJ will as well. :-) xoxo

  2. Woo hoo!! A trip to Venice with JJ can't be beat. Hope you have lots of fun and adventures, and a very happy birthday.

  3. You will love Venice, and you will love being in your 30s! I do, it's great to know where you are where you're going and how to get there!

    I had the same feelings when I was growing up, and agree that if there had been an internet or more openness about sexuality back then it would have been really helpful. Still, too few of us do get the chance to have a happy family life and I think we're among the lucky ones.

    Enough seriousness - hope you have a lovely birthday!


  4. Happy Birthday. Enjoy your trip to Venice. Nothing wrong with bragging about being happy and content. Everyone deserves some happiness.

  5. Have a great trip and birthday Niko- xronia polla!

  6. Enjoy. Happy. I wasn't thrilled turning 30, so it was low key; though I now regret that!


  7. I hope this next decade is the best one for you yet.

  8. Have a great time - seems that you are on a cultural journey this week!

  9. @AJohnP Thanks

    @Cubby Thanks

    @Mike Thankfully times changing and things in many aspects are improving

  10. @adarknessinthelight That is true. Thanks

    @gp Ευχαριστώ...

    @MadeInScotland Nah, I'm not going to let it drag me down. I'll try to enjoy it as much as possible

  11. @Ur-Spo Thanks. Thanks. I'll try to make it so...

    @Stephen Chapman Thanks.

  12. Has it happened yet???

    Happy happy!!!!

  13. Happy Birthday from us both!

    and welcome to the 30's club. huhuhu!

  14. Enjoy your birthday Nik - Venice would be awesome! And 30 is the new 20 :)

  15. @MadeInScotland Yes, it happened! thanks!

    @Suf_n_Steve Thanks! I hope I'll enjoy this club as much as the previous one

    @SteveA Thanks a lot for that! :-)