Since I opened all my birthday presents, the trip to Paris being the last one, I can now say that I’m officially in my 30’s. It’s not like I’ve been hiding it so far, but I was a little bit in denial. I’ve even updated my profile which you can glimpse on your right. I will need to properly update that at some point.
That means though that I can play now with the big boys …
The question now is where I’d like to see myself in 10 years time… Hmmmm. That’s not an easy one.
The first and foremost thing I’d want is to be healthy. I’d also like to be financially more stable in the process of paying for own house, somewhere outside the busy and noisy city centre. I’d also like to be married, content with a lifestyle that suits me. Call me old fashioned but I like the idea of a small house with some outdoors growing my own things on a quiet neighbourhood.
The questions that are buzzing through my ears are “Do I see myself living in London?” or “Do I see myself in 10 years with JJ?”. My most honest reply would be “why not?”. The way things are I must say that I can go wherever there is work. I am not afraid of changes and I can try making a good living almost anywhere there are good working conditions. I’ve been in London for the last 5 years and I’ve been greatly enjoying myself.
Regarding JJ there are no clouds in the sky. I’m pretty much in love and we’re having our fun. We generally don’t fight and there are no major ups and downs. He’s a stable, reliable, caring person and we do get along very well. I’m never bored when I’m with him and he always makes me laugh. However, there is a small stupid voice in the back of my head that is always worrying. I can’t help asking myself a silly ‘what if?’ thinking about bad things that can go wrong. I think I’ve inherited this voice from my mother. Our next step would be to live together. On one side I can’t feel anything but excited about it and on the other I can’t help but worry that we will grow tired or sick of one another in due time.
I’ll give you an easy example. JJ’s mother is very religious. She’s always been. She’s been sending him scripts from the bible on his mobile phone and mentions God when they talk on the phone. She of course disapproves of him being gay but she’s trying not to put that too much between them. She knows her son is a good person and is making efforts to maintain a healthy relationship with him. JJ grew up with all these. He has his own Bible that she sent to him. Lately he mentioned that he sometimes reads that Bible himself. Although there is nothing wrong with that, that little voice on the back of my head starting ringing an alarm bell! What if in 10 years time he becomes one of these religious fanatics? What if he turns like a bad version of his mother? What if there are more signs that I can’t see?
I know I’m being silly. There is absolutely no reason to worry about all these. I do manage to shut that voice up and I try to look on the positive side of things. I am ‘Mr Worry’ though sometimes. The plan I have now is to move in with JJ beginning next year. It would be interesting to see how my parents would react to these news!