As I’ve mentioned recently, I had my parents visiting London. It was the first time that we spent time together after I came out to them. When I told them, my father’s reaction I think wasn’t very good nor bad. As I always do, I feared for the worse but fortunately, that didn’t happen. I feared that we might end up in an emergency room with my mum having a heart attack (known issue), my father beating the crap out of me, kicking me out of the house, disowning me and other similar stuff. They just appeared disappointed, worried and heartbroken. As I said, I don’t blame them, since they do not know any better. That of course made think that I should make them know better and see what kind of a life a gay guy can have…So, they arrived a week ago and stayed in a nearby hotel. They do like their independence. I believe that in general we had a really nice time. I took them for a day trip in Cambridge, had a Korean BBQ (the one that the waitress cooks the food in your table), amazing Sunday lunch in ‘Blue Elephant’ (If you haven’t tried it, you should), Christmas shopping in Westfields and Carnaby Street, wandering around in the center and other similar things not easily found in Greece.
One of the highlights of their stay was ‘Blue Elephant’ where the atmosphere and food are amazing. They also got the chance there to meet some of my friends and see how wonderful people they are. I don’t know what they expected, but it made them happy to see that I am having a really nice time here and I have good friends to take care of me in case something happens. Before that day, my mother asked me twice if I’m enjoying my stay in London or being forced to do so, implying in a way that I am self exiling myself for being gay from conservative Greece. It was slightly funny, because both times she asked me, she came close to me (so that my father couldn’t hear in case I have something to confess that I didn’t like him listening) opened her eyes really wide and said ‘Are you OK?’ in a very serious tone. Both times I casually replied that I am great, loving my new place, liking my job and having a really good time, giving her an honest answer that satisfied her.
These two times are the only times the ‘gay issue’ was implied, but never openly discussed. I didn’t know whether I should bring up the subject since I knew it was on everybody’s mind and possibly ruin the day and their trip, or not. I’ve decided that it would be better to let them accept it first, let more time pass and bring it up when they are ready to discuss it. On the other hand, I could say something to notify them that it’s not a phase that will pass and take them out of the ‘denial’ that they might be in. Without traumatizing them by showing them the whip and dildo I have in my top drawer (just kidding)(for the dildo only) I could mention something like being in the process of dating, or something…
Anyway, I didn’t…
It takes time to get comfortable with these things. Depending on the type of relationship you have with your family. In my instance, it was weird at first, but now when I spend time with my mum she is the one pointing out the cute guys to me :) I guess it boils down to the old saying “each to their own” in time they will be more accepting. Time is a wonderful thing.
ReplyDeleteΈχει δίκαιο ο wozzel. Με το καιρό θα σε βλέπουν ευχαριστημένο στη δουλειά, στις σχέσεις σου και στη ζωή γενικά, και θα καταλάβουν ότι άκουγαν και πίστευαν ενα σωρό μαλακίες για τους γκέι. Καλά, μάλλον δεν πρόκειται η μαμά σου να σου δείχνει κούκλους και τεκνά στους δρόμους, άλλα θα ξεχάσουνε τους φόβους που είχανε.
ReplyDeleteBe thankful you're out with them and they're ok with it. And they are else they wouldn't have come to visit or been ok with meeting your mates. You're doing right to let them take their time to feel comfortable discussing it, but you shouldn't hide anything either if it's important to you (like meeting someone special for example).
ReplyDeleteGlad they had a nice time in London. :-)
Hey, thanks for dropping by my blog!
ReplyDeleteIn the end, everything will be OK, otherwise it's not the end. I think I've learned that the only thing parents want for their children is for them to be happy. Sometimes our parents have an image in their head of what would make us happy, so when we go against their wishes, they get a little upset.
But over time, when they see how much better you are living an honest and happy life, they'll come around to it. I promise.
-Julius
I wouldn't call you a chicken. You came out to them - that takes courage. It sounds like you're just being sensitive to their acclimation process. Probably the wise choice.
ReplyDeleteI wouldnt worry too much. You didnt chicken out. Sometimes these things have to just play out naturally. Dont force it into a conversation because that could make things awkward. They will no doubt have questions, so let them ask you in their own time. That way it is on their terms and will help them come around to the idea in their own time.
ReplyDeleteRy
Thank you all so much for the comments and support.
ReplyDelete@wozzel. I hope the same things happens with my folks.
@vilges suola. Συμφωνώ. Θα χρειστούν το χρόνο τους. Απλά θα ήθελα να μην στεναχωριούνται και αγχώνονται...
@Dyl. i've missed you in the Blog world. you didn't even comment my Comic Book post... :-p You're right about that too!
@Julius. I do believe that it will be OK. That is why I'm so relieved I came out to them...
@NewLeaf. I hope I made the right choice.
@Ry That's my plan for now.
I can't begin to talk about boyfriends with them yet. It's a little awkward for me as it is for them. Hiding my personal life from them comes very naturally now... I've been doing it for ages. I need some time to get used to the idea as well
I completely know the feeling. My dad and I are in a "Don't ask, don't tell" relationship. My mother seems to be stuck in the 1970's, and is looking for someone or something to blame for me habits of kissing men.
ReplyDeleteI also have decided on a six-month rule. Anyone that I'm with for longer than six months will be mentioned to my parents. Anything before that, "I'm still single, mom." This probably isn't healthy, but it's easier.
I'm not sure if you've ever seen Catherine Tate, but she had a sketch a couple of years ago about a gay man in Northern Ireland who comes out to his parents. It's an absolute riot:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOESpIz8Mjg
@GJ The 'don't ask, don't tell' applies to my father as well. And your mother is not stuck in the 70's, she was asking you about online gay porn for crying out loud! OK, maybe she just knows technology but has ideas from the 70's. Before the six month rule we have to go through other topics first, like having a date for example, or wanting to go out on a date, or mention the fact that I might not be a virgin anymore etc...
ReplyDelete@John F. Thanks for that. I'll check it out when next possible... :-)
I guess I never thought of Greece as being sexually conservative-- who knew?
ReplyDeleteJust give your parents a bit more time. Remember, you've had much longer to get used to the whole gay thing.
And I'm jealous of the Carnaby street shopping.
cb. It's not like Mykonos everywhere in Greece. Especially for gay people things can be tough in smaller towns/villages. Most of them are closeted and repressed...
ReplyDeleteCarnaby can be nice. Not very fond of this year's decoration though. Last year it was much nicer...
@Nik: Well, yeah, I have the EXACT same issues to push through, lol.
ReplyDelete