Unexpected...

My vacation in Greece did not go exactly as planned (that’s the least you can say)…

I’m having a really wonderful time. I will not deny that. I’ve been going to the beach every single day. I just love the sound of the waves, the sea breeze, enjoying a good book and checking out gorgeous guys with tiny swim trunks. I’ve been enjoying the company of close old friends as well. I’ve come to the conclusion that you do not have to see some people often to consider them a valuable friend. You might have months or even years to see someone, but after a few minutes of catching up, it’s like all that time did not pass. I’ve been blessed to have friends like that…

However, something happened that made this visit to my hometown slightly different.

I came out to my father two days ago. For some, this might not sound that important but to me it is. Others might say that I should have done that ages ago, since I’m now almost thirty, but some things take time. My mother had hinted in the past that she knows but we hadn’t openly talked about it until now. My father’s first reaction was not that good, but not that bad either. He is in his 60s, coming from a small town,he's educated, but he doesn’t know any gay people. The only gay person he knows is a cousin of his, now in his 70s, who’s a bit miserable, living on his own, not being able to stand his loneliness and desperation.

So, my father made me sit with him on the kitchen table and started his speech. In a nutshell, he told me that being gay was a one way route to loneliness and depression. That gay people are people mostly without morality or dignity, which live a life full of shame of being gay and end up without the support of friends or relatives. He then continued presenting me examples of gay people (from the news) that committed suicide or were brutally numbered as acts of homophobia or ended up being gigolos / prostitutes… Then, he started wondering what he did wrong as a parent and finished his speech telling me that I can change if I want to and I should try to change (yes, like hanging a shirt)…

I did try to reason with him in many occasions and tried to tell him where he was wrong (I think there’s no need to explain why and where - right?). He didn’t listen to me or wanted to listen to me, so I let him continue. When he finished, we kept on with our lives as normal, until today the subject was not brought up again. I’ve decided to let him get a bit more accustomed to the idea and then I might try to ‘educate’ him a bit.

The thing is that I understand that he is trying to be protective and he’s being a bit unreasonable without fault of his own. He doesn’t know any gay people and how being gay can lead you to a healthy life style (you know what I mean). He’s worried mostly of what might happen to me when they are not around to protect me. His main concern is my future and what I will do when I'm old. He kept on talking about old age, loneliness and depression. I can not be angry with him of course. I’ve decided to stand up for what I believe.

It could be my fault that we hadn’t had that discussion ages ago. It’s now my obligation to talk to him about me and my life and show him things, in due time, that he is not familiar with…This talk of course is not over… I have a lot of things to talk about with him...

I'm really fortunate though that I have the support of my brother. He's probably the one that can calm and reason with them and I know that he will talk to them in due time on my behalf.

Overall, I am happy I came out to them. Relieved and I know that the awkwardness will pass eventually...

My last night with 'D'

I’m going away tomorrow…
Tonight it’s going to be my last night with my lovely ‘D’. He’s been my summer fling. I think I have mentioned him in the past.

I met him over a month ago online. He’s still studying, waiting to finish his final project to get his degree. Unfortunately, he’s studying at the university in his country so he has to go back. He’s been temporarily living in London doing an internship for these summer months to improve his CV. I knew from the start that there is an expiry date to our ‘acquaintance’ but I can’t stop having some feelings for him. He’s amazingly sweet and kind. Also, he has the most beautiful green eyes I’ve seen. Funnily enough he likes me too.

If I didn’t know that he was going away, I would have given it more effort and I would have tried to make it work. I would have stopped talking to people online or met the GingerMan. I know that I like ‘D’ but I do not think that is enough to make us try for a serious long distance relationship in case he’s back in 12 months. He desperately wants to come back to London after getting his degree so that he can start a career here.

However, this is just some thoughts since the job market now is very unreliable and without having a degree from a UK university it’s even harder to get a proper job here. Of course I haven’t told him that I worry that maybe his dreams will not easily come true. I’ve tried to advice him as best as I can and direct him on how to find online agencies or even career exhibitions. I hope for the best, but on the back of my mind I know the possibilities. It could be much easier for him to get a job in his hometown where his parents might know some people. London’s not that cheap and it’s not easy temporarily living here while you are searching for a job that will support you.

However, I don’t know him that well and we simply do not have the proper ‘foundations’ for a long distance relationship. I believe that we’ll stay in touch. I’m also seriously thinking of going to visit him in spring, but there is no way I can promise to him I’ll stay ‘loyal’ for that year. I believe that if you say you want to commit to a serious relationship you have to try and take that responsibility seriously. Otherwise, there is no point. I’ve already discussed it with ‘D’ about where we’re standing and he’s ok-ish with it, meaning that he doesn’t really want to leave. He knew I was still going online and chatting / flirting with people. He knew that I didn’t consider myself his boyfriend this past month. He doesn’t know about the GingerMan though.

Maybe, it’s me being selfish. Maybe I want it all and I don’t want to really make an effort. It’s easier and more fun meeting someone new than trying to maintain a long distance relationship. I simply don’t know. I just feel sad…

For the time being though, I want to take him for a nice dinner tonight and spend our last night together. I’m flying late in the afternoon tomorrow and we’ll also enjoy waking up together without having to rush for something. I will try to make the best of the night and try not to worry about the rest. (At least I’ll try and enjoy it)….

Summer vacation 2009!

In two days time I’ll be finally going away for my summer vacation. As I always try to remind myself it’s better late than never! Almost everybody’s been away and already coming back and I still haven’t left! It’s because I wanted to gain an extra day from the upcoming bank holiday, that’s why I’m leaving that late! I’m planning to go to my beautiful, by the sea, small hometown in Greece. I haven’t been there since last August. I’ve been to Greece this year, but not my hometown.

My plans for that trip is try to do as less as possible. I’ve decided not to travel much to see old friends. I know it’s probably very selfish of me but I really cannot spend my holidays traveling back and forth to see everybody. I’ve been there and done that so many times it’s tiring. I will try to see them by inviting them over to my town. It’s nice, by the sea with beautiful beaches, so I am practically doing them a favor!
(I say that every time I fly back and I can never keep my promise – I miss some people so much).

I also plan to eat as much as possible of my mother’s food. I grew up with it. I love it and I miss having someone else cook for me. I will not be bothered at all about my upcoming run when I get back. I can’t be on a diet while being on vacations! I will probably drink a lot as well but I will just blame the heat! You simply must have a (or more) cold cocktail (or beer, or tequila, or vodka…) when the temperature goes over 30 degrees and flirts dangerously with 40 degrees.

In addition, I plan to stay as long as possible on a beach (any beach will do at the point I am now - I am desperate). I just need a beach reclining chair, a couple of my books (carefully chosen), cold coffee (greek frappe) and nice view. Oh and I shouldn't forget lot's of sun lotion...


By ‘nice view’ I mean the whole scenery of beautiful waves and really gorgeous suntanned guys (preferable playing summer sports). In a weird way, it is good that I can be distinguished from the crowd, since I’ll be the only guy being so pale. Apart from my head and arms my whole body is extremely white thanks to England’s nice weather! In Greece everybody’s suntanned by the end of August and I’ll be the only one who’s different. I hope that will attract some attention (unfortunately, not for a good cause)…

So, I wish everybody a belated happy summer. It’s not over, till we decide that it is!!!

Ginger Man, Part 2

GingerMan was waiting for me. He was wearing a loose shirt, a dark blue pair of jeans, sport shoes and a light jacket. He had a big smile on his face and greeted me accordingly. We started walking from the station to his place. He was very pleasant and the conversation was flowing easily. I remember we were laughing about the misunderstanding over the text messages (Ginger Man, Part 1), about who’s idea was it to meet at the middle of the night, when we arrived at his place.

His place is a very nice one bedroom flat in a newly built block of flats. Everything looks quite new and they even have their own gym, garden and patios. That’s probably the only advantage living in the middle of nowhere. You can buy a new flat, in a rather reasonable price, but you have to live in a rather isolated place. I wouldn’t do that to myself yet (although I can see some advantages).

He opened a bottle of white wine and we started a nice relaxing conversation. I was beginning to feel at ease and enjoying myself (yes, the wine does help on that). At some point we kissed and I started feeling even happier having making the choice to actually go there. We must have spent approximately 2 hours discussing about TOTALLY unimportant stuff like food we like, favourite vacation spots and theatre plays we’ve enjoyed when we decided it was time to move on.

I started feeling a bit awkward and self-conscious but I had to take a shower. I had already asked for one, but still I couldn’t decide exactly on how to behave. I mean, he obviously wanted to see me naked (fortunately) and I couldn’t pretend I was that shy or prudent that I had to hide myself. Also, I didn’t want to cause too much hassle. It was his place after all. It’s like when you are in the cinema and you want to pass over some people to reach the corridor and you’re thinking whether they should see your crotch or bum. Anyway, I pulled myself together and I stripped while he was bringing me a fresh clean towel. He stood there for a couple of seconds watching me shower which I found quite exciting. He even lit two candles in the bathroom even if I was alone.

After I finished at the shower he was waiting for me in the bedroom when the really fun began! I have to say that I really enjoyed that. It can be a bit weird having sex with someone for the very first time. Maybe weird is not the correct word, let’s say different. You are still not used to that person tastes and dislikes. However, I have to say that GingerMan and I, we seemed to be quite compatible and had a good time.

I can’t say that I slept very well that night but who cares? I woke up really early because the room was way too bright for my taste and I couldn’t fall back asleep. I spent a couple, a bit frustrating, hours twisting and turning but I didn’t want to wake him up (although I think I was waking him up every time I moved). Thankfully, at some point he woke up and we had a little bit more fun. At some point, we shared a cup of coffee and he also offered me pain au chocolat for breakfast. I didn’t stay long because his mates were coming to watch that day’s football matches.

Overall I had a really nice time and I would like to see him again. I hope he does feel the same way. It’s just bad luck that his favourite team lost that day and he was feeling a bit sad about it. However, I did enjoy the fact that we talked about it the very same day (always a good sign) and agreed on different ways I could have made him forget about it if I was there…

Ginger Man, Part 1

It’s been over two weeks since I’ve been chatting online on gaydar (http://www.gaydar.co.uk/) with a guy we’ll call GingerMan for obvious reasons. It’s started quite funny. We were chatting on a Thursday. He was quite cheeky and he started sending me a bit too naughty pictures and videos. He didn’t look extremely handsome but I was intrigued of the things he said. His answers were quite sharp and he seemed quite confident as a person which is always a plus. Also, he had ginger hair which I find quite sexy (he doesn't look like the guy on the picture, but...). I didn’t really pay too much attention to the whole conversation and I thought that that would be the end of it, when I ran into the guy in the tube two days later!

It was so random! I always thought that London is a big city but it is a very small world after all! I was listening to my music and also reading a book (I get bored quickly on the tube – it’s the same journey almost every single day) when I thought of checking out the people in the carriage. I know it’s a bit sleazy but from time to time, I like to take a look at what’s out there. Don’t judge me, everybody does it! So, I see three guys, chatting and laughing. One of them looked a bit camp so I paid a little bit more attention and the second guy looked a lot like GingerMan! I wasn’t 100% sure and I couldn’t just go to them and say: ‘hey, remember me? I’m the guy you’ve been sending naked pictures to the other day’. So, I just left it like that and decided that a message on gaydar would be much better.

Seeing GingerMan made me reconsider actually meeting him. He has an amazing deep, masculine, voice (with a weird accent that I couldn’t pinpoint) that I found very sexy. So, the next day I messaged him about it. It was him and we laughed about it a lot. He kept saying that I shouldn’t stalk people like that and I kept commenting that it’s above my powers and I can’t stop. We agreed on meeting in two weekends since he would be away on business (he travels a lot).

That weekend arrived and we agreed on meeting on Sunday evening. We were exchanging messages for that whole time. We got to the point of talking about VERY private stuff (fantasies, positions – you know… things that some people talk about after having met on gaydar) and I was very keen on meeting him. I would take the train and meet him around 7. He is a football fun and wanted to watch that day’s games. However, it wasn’t meant to be like that…

The day before, we were chatting through messages when I told him something like that: ‘I finished watching a movie with some friends, and I am on my way home. I couldn’t spend the night there, so…’. That was the misunderstanding. I used the word ‘so’ implying that since I couldn’t spend the night at my friends’, I was on my way. He understood that I was implying meeting then and that I was inviting myself to his place and he texted me about which train to get from which station!

I got all nervous again and a million things passed through my head. It was 11:00 at night. It would get me an hour to get to his place. Getting there was doable but that meant that I would have to spend the night since I didn’t know how to leave the area. However, if it came to that, I would find a night bus (or two or three) or something. Then the ‘gay’ worries hit me. Which underwear was I wearing, which underwear, did I look OK, did I smell OK (I know these are shallow worries but I couldn’t help myself, I spent the whole outdoors, in a summer warm day).

Completely by chance, I was a tube stop away from the needed train station. Maybe it was fate trying to tell me something. I also thought that it would be better taking the chance and regretting going than non going, even if it meant spending 3 hours on night busses getting home. In addition, it would be much better meeting him on a Saturday night, than on Sunday, a school night. So, I got off the tube…

We exchanged some text messages about how to get there (zone 6 of London to me is English country side) and I was on my way. I suggested taking a shower when I would get there and he was more than happy to say yes. From what we’ve been saying the previous days, sex of course was on the table. I wasn’t going there just for the fun to see the ‘suburbs’ of London.

So, after spending half an hour in a very busy train, I was getting very nervous when I finally arrived. GingerMan was waiting for me on the platform. He looked a bit stressed as well, which made me feel calmer. That was the begging of quite an interesting night…

Insomnia

Yesterday late night was quite weird in a not very good way. I had the really calming heavy breathing of ‘D’ lying next to me naked in bed sleeping, but I could not relax and let Morpheus take me to dreamland.

My mind started wondering around and visited my years in the army. I do not know why. It’s not a period of life that I miss (really, you should believe me when I say that). Serving the army is mandatory in Greece and I had to do it for 12 months. I am proud (not really) to say that I am a Greek Sergeant whose specialty includes being a driver of heavy lorries.

By the way when I talk about the army, I talk about images like these:

and not like these:

If you think about the latter, you’ve seen too many porn movies…

It’s really funny that after some time, all bad experiences seem less frightening. I think back of that year, remembering all the good times and the laughs we had. I was able to remember yesterday the name of the general that was in charge of my group in the first military base I was assigned. He was a really good man. He wasn’t very strict and treated us as human beings. As long as the day’s work was done, he would buy us drinks or let us order take-away food (the base’s food I’ll say politely was not very good and a bit out-of-date). I remember feeling very sad, almost in tears, having to leave him when assigned in another base.

There is no option of admitting being gay in the army. In theory, you are able to say that you’re gay and you’ll be automatically dismissed. However, that means that it will be written in your official governmental documents and you’ll be stigmatized for your lifetime. As I did, the vast majority of gays just stay closeted. No one that I met in the army knows I’m gay. Even after all these years I’m still in contact with some of them and I still haven’t told them. Luckily, I am not camp and I can pass for a straight bloke so I didn’t have any problem. There were some less fortunate and more camp people that had to fight to be respected and treated equally. They weren’t tortured or heavily ill-treated but sometimes they were being called names and were less fortunate when assignments were decided. To my knowledge, extreme cases of homophobia do not occur anymore but of course I cannot be sure. I know that’s very sad but extremely difficult to change…

I spent almost two hours thinking about the army, about the people I met there, the good times and the bad times. However, I concluded that with ‘D’ lying next to me, sleeping like a baby (my baby) I was in a so much happier place now, so I finally managed to relax and get some sleep.

My ex's birthday

Yesterday it was my ex boyfriend’s birthday, ('L').
We had met through gaydar (www.gaydar.co.uk). It was quite random because we talked on a Saturday and we met the next day. I don’t usually do that. Normally, unless it’s for a sex date, I talk with people for a couple of days before actually meeting. It saves so much time since some people do look weird from the beginning…

It’s a very big and complicated story that I cannot really describe now. We had high points and many low points. I know that I tried a lot to make this work and to be honest, now, I do not see why I tried THAT hard. Our sex life was always not that good which by itself could be a reason to break up with someone. Also, I had received some slaps on my face in the process, like seeing him leaving with another guy we randomly met in a gay bar. However, he was kind and polite. He took care of me and I knew that I could rely on him if needed. He also offered me one birthday party that I’ll always remember.

All these came to an end in mid May when we had a terrible fight. All started when I left him to see that a drunken friend of mine was OK. We were getting more serious by then and started having a good connection leaving some problems in the past. I know that I shouldn’t have left him like that in a bus that was heading to his place but I couldn’t help it. If only I had asked of him to follow me there so many things would end up differently.

What I did that night made him extremely furious at me. That same night he texted me not to call him ever again. I tried to go to his place to talk about it, but he had his mobile turned off and later said that he didn’t know I was there. He spent the next day drinking, calling me at my mobile and swearing. One of the text messages that stayed with me was: “Fuck you, I’m drinking whisky”. “Fuck you, you and your friends”. In his drunken state he told me that the major issue is that I always put my friends before him and that he was not my priority. However, instead of trying to discuss it, we spent two days with him calling me, swearing at me and yelling. There was absolutely no form of communication whatsoever. I tried suggesting meeting but he didn’t want to.

I don’t want to go too much into detail. It still does hurt a bit. In a nutshell, after two days of spending hours and hours in the phone yelling and crying he agreed on meeting and talking about it. I was so emotionally drained though, that I didn’t want to do that anymore. Yes, it was me who ended it and rejected his later offers of reconsolidation. I know I probably did some mistakes that brought that fight but I am absolutely sure that I didn’t deserve to be called all these names and I saw a face of my ex that I never want to see again. I am not a saint but his immaturity with dealing with a simple fight (there will always be fights in any relationship) is what ended it.

After not having spoken in almost 4 months, he sent to me an infuriating text on 4:15 in Saturday morning, accusing me of everything (again) and about not wanting him in my life. He was drunk again and I had to read his text message 2 or 3 times to understand what he wanted to say. I didn’t reply to that.
I sent to him a typical happy birthday text message yesterday wishing him all the best and encouraging him to take care of himself. He replied with: ‘Thank you Nick’.
It’s a bit funny, but he never used my name when he was addressing to me. He always used nicknames. It’s like when a mother scolds her child by using both first name and surname to call him… He just used my name to show what he was feeling…

My first crush (+ crash) Part 2

So, I arranged to meet ‘A’ early evening close to the university campus. We’ve been chatting endless hours during the past week and I knew most things about him. However, that didn’t stop me from feeling so stressed about it. I was a bit scared because that was the first guy I was going to meet from the internet (little did I know that I would get so used to it later). Also, we hadn’t exchanged any pictures, so I didn’t know what to expect. Back then, mobile phones were some big black and white only machines that had up to 3 lines that you could write something. Of course no camera attached and no mms. Digital cameras had appeared, but most were ridiculously expensive and we were just students.

After spending hours deciding what to wear (I am gay after all) I went to the prearranged place. I arrived first but he wasn’t late. I was expecting the worse and was pleasantly surprised. He was wearing his hair very short and had a t-shirt and jeans. He was spending hours in the swimming pool back then and he had an amazing body.

After exchanging our pleasantries he said: ‘You look just like I thought you would be’! We started walking towards a nice small coffee place that was close by and I tried to understand exactly what he meant. Apparently, he understood that I was totally inexperienced, with low self confidence, shy person. According to his way of thinking, that meant that I would be what you call the ‘nice’ guy who’s not handsome, that you wouldn’t look twice in a party if you were trying to find someone to snog. He wasn’t far from the truth.

We sat for coffee and he started boasting about his sex life and everything he had accomplished in that area. I couldn’t see right through him, not knowing about this type of guys, and I fell for it. Had it been now, I wouldn’t have looked twice. Back then, ‘A’ meant the world to me. He was the first one to understand what I was going through. He was gay in Greece where gays appear like non existent, at least at the place I was coming from (Mykonos and gay freedom seemed to only exist in a galaxy far far away).

I don’t exactly remember how it started, but I met ‘A’ many times after that. We were going drinking, for dinner or for coffees. He had said that he wasn’t into relationships, he just wanted fuck buddies. According to him he had already met most of the people from the Greek gay channel in mirc from the area(My first crush). However, he didn’t like going to gay bars (there were a few) because he knew many people, which meant that my circle of gay friends did not grow at all while I was seeing ‘A’.

Our chemistry was good and we could talk for hours without being bored. I was beginning to fall in love with him which he understood but didn’t want to do anything about it. He was flattered and I was boosting his ego and confidence. Of course, he was calling the shots and I didn’t do anything to stop it. I could see that he was calling me when all his ‘mates’ were unavailable and wanted someone to keep him company. He loved asking me if I met anyone new, after he had enriched his sexual experiences since the last time we met (which he already described), to get a negative answer.

However, at some point I couldn’t take it any more and when my housemate was gone for the week I invited ‘A’ to my place for drinks. It had already been a few months since we’ve met. I don’t know how I gathered the strength to do it, but I knew that would be the night. We started having some wine and normally chatting. At some point he took his shoes off and got more comfortable sitting at the big sofa. I then got up, went to lock the outside door and I told him that since he took his shoes off he had to stay over (it’s an amazing opening line, I know. Don’t judge me though. It was my first time ever being with a guy and I was quite nervous. Give me some credit for actually starting this whole thing). I sat on the sofa next to him and we started snogging. I was in heaven.

It is actually very weird, maybe it was the wine, but after we started taking clothes off I was so calm, relaxed and enjoying myself. I remember most of the staff that happened that night (like moving to the bedroom at some point). I also remember laughing a lot, making fun of minor accidents (like kicking him slightly in the head – don’t ask). We didn’t sleep much that night (obviously) and we had a very early wake up call from my housemate. I knew he was coming back that day but I didn’t expect him to arrive before 9 in the morning! It was slightly embarrassing and awkward (to us at least) since my housemate came into the house to find clothes tossed all around the living room. It was only fair that I came out to him the following days…

That was the beginning of a weird relationship with ‘A’ that lasted for quite a while. I remember feeling ridiculously happy the next day and going to my lectures without paying any attention. I also remember thinking ‘I had sex yesterday’ and feeling proud of that, like I was the only one who invented it and found it’s magic. I was like Chandler in the first seasons of ‘Friends’ after being lucky and getting some…

Weekend...

This Saturday has been quite weird and so much fun. I had my ups and downs.

Saturday morning: Up! I went running by the river. I really do love that route, 5.2 miles overall. Running helps me clear my mind so much. I really do enjoy it. I never expected that to happen since I am a slightly geeky person working with computers, reading all the time and never that much into sports. Strange…

Saturday afternoon – early evening: Down! I had hair removed from my back with laser in a private clinic. Removing that part of my body’s hair is something that I always wanted. I have (had) a really hairy back that I felt ashamed off. For those that do not know how that’s done, I went to the clinic on the fixed time and the beautician (?) applied a layer of anaesthetic / antiseptic cream on my back, wrapped me with transparent wrap and covered me with towels. I was supposed to stay like that for an hour and fifteen minutes to absorb the lotion. I tried to argue that I should be able to walk around but she didn’t let me. I just sat there and read my book. I was reading ‘Engulfed in Flames’ because I thought that’s appropriate. After I finished reading the book, the time passed and I had the ‘procedure’. Yes, it is painful and left me feeling numb for some hours afterwards. The good thing is that after my back’s healed (eventually), I will have the smoothest back (that cost around £250 per session).
I do not know if I should worry about being addicted to cosmetic procedures and operations. Is this the beginning of a Botox, fake noses and tummy tucks career? Will I end up like Cher?

Saturday night – UP! After putting my pieces together, still having my back sore, I went to a really nice party hosted by the guy I am recently dating, called ‘D’. I’ll devote a whole chapter on the guy called ‘D’ later on. I have to say though that I had a wonderful time. The dinner party was really fun. We ate, exchanged some presents as agreed beforehand and danced. Mojito was running non stop. At some point, ‘D’s housemates and friends decided to go clubbing, leaving me and ‘D’ alone at the house. Then, the two of us had our own party. I have to say that it’s one of the best, if not the best sex I even had. A little bit of alcohol and help you express yourself, be calm and enjoy what’s happening… I have to say I love mojito!!!

My first crush (+ crash)

Then you’re gay, he told me and I started crying. Everything had changed. That moment I knew that I could never go back. I had to find a new path, change direction in life and start fresh. I could no longer lie to myself and others, I could no longer pretend to have girlfriends.

I am probably running ahead of myself a bit.

That was the first gay I’ve ever met, that I’ll call A. I was already on my third year in the university (yes, I know, I am a bit slow). It was early September and I was trying to study for my exams. These years, before facebook was even invented and msn widely used, mIRC (www.mirc.com) was very popular. It was a way to find people online to chat, on different channels. There was the channel called ‘#gayhellas’. I had the suspicion that I was gay until then (I am not that delusional), but I was still in denial and I had my doubts, so I was online, checking the gay Greek channel without speaking to anyone. Then a guy with the nickname ‘x1x1x1x’ talked to me. That was A. It’s funny how I still remember that username…

We started chatting. He told me that he is studying piano in the same city as I am, but without having to take any exams he was still away for summer holidays. It was some weeks since the beginning of the new semester and he would come back in a week or so. I told him that I didn’t know if I was gay or not and that I was just curious about the whole thing.

He asked me about my sexual fantasies and dreams. I replied honestly that ultimately, in a perfect world, if I could decide, I would select a guy for my partner and not a girl. That is when he told me ‘you’re gay. It’s nothing to worry about. Just deal with it.’

I don’t know exactly why I started crying. It was so weird hearing (reading) someone else say it to me. It was like a huge burden I was carrying until then, simple disappeared. I felt free and relieved. It’s silly, but that moment so many things in my life changed. I finally accepted myself for who I was.

I kept on talking with A for the whole following week. We spent so many hours each night, until early morning chatting. We talked about so many different subjects. He was the first gay guy I met. I could share with him all my fears, thoughts and hopes. I believed that he was the only guy that could understand me.

After all these hours of chatting, he returned to the city and we arranged to meet.

I think that it is without importance to say that I failed that week’s every exam.

John Hughes died today

John Hughes died today and I can't not mention it...

I loved his movies. I grew up with them...

The breakfast Club was one of my favourites.

Do I get the feeling that lots of celebrities die recently? I hope it's not contagious...

My very first time

I am a total Virgin Blog and this is my first attempt of entering this bizarre world of blogging...

I don't know yet what I am trying to achieve and in which direction this online diary will go. It would be funny to see though...

In the past, I've tried keeping a diary but mostly unsuccessfully. In most cases I tried writing when I was feeling blue to get things out of my head. Now, I feel perfectly well and my spirit's high. However, I've been making changes in my life and maybe that new 'me' could have a blog as well. We'll see...

Let's click on 'Publish' and see what this thing looks like...