Electronic war and middle life crisis…

OK, that sounds a bit gloomy. The weather is quite dismal as well, so I’ll try not to be too pessimistic. The news I am referring to are not personal but general.

The first piece of news I heard that is quite interesting / frightening / worrying is related to Stuxnet. For those of you that do not know that name (it’s not a very nice name anyway). Stuxnet is a worm, a virus that runs through Computers. What is very worrying about this malware is that it can affect hardware; it can take over systems that control the inner workings of industrial plants! It was designed specifically to attack the Siemens-designed working system of Iran’s new Nuclear Power Plant. That power plant is not yet active, but will be soon.
We are talking about a bloody Nuclear Plant!!!!


If you really think about it, this new form of electronic war can take tremendous proportions. Imagine the scenario of a security system of a plant (eg nuclear) being deactivated, an oil plant pipeline opening to the sea or a water treatment facility contaminating clean water.

This story reminds me of apocalyptic movies where technological related incidents happen with affects on millions of lives across the globe.

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The other, less (?) terrifying news I read today, is about mid-life crisis beginning in 30s!

I quote from BBC news:

“Work and relationship pressures make the mid-30s the start of many British people's unhappiest decade, a survey suggests.
Of those questioned, more people aged 35 to 44 said that they felt lonely or depressed than in other age groups.

Working long hours, arguments, proper division of household chores and poor sex were cited equally by men and women as the most common sources of problems.”



The first thing that came into my mind was the fact that the survey might talk mostly of straight, many years married, with children, people. Then, I started wondering whether it makes any difference or I am just playing with stereotypes.

I always thought that the 30s are one of the best decades in a man’s life. That finally he can put his promiscuous years behind him, know what he wants and how to get it. OK, maybe that approach is a bit naïve but still, I can’t believe that middle life crisis can hit someone as early as 34! Maybe they need to change the name. People do live longer now and certainly work until their 60s or 70s. (I don’t really believe my generation will peacefully retire anyway)…

So, to compare a straight and a gay man’s life, I think that the process of accepting that you are gay and the difficulties of forming or sustaining a long term relationship take time, making (some) gay people grow older before they finally settle down. Also, some women’s need to have children and form a family early in their life leads some straight couples to earlier tight the knot and procreate. This might mean (according to my very reliable calculations of course) that the average age of settling down, forming a family, for straight men is smaller than a gay’s man.


This idea implies that the earlier you form a family, settle down, the quicker you fall into a trend, an every day ‘misery’ that will eventually lead you in a middle life crisis. That idea is of course flawed, but I am not sure how far from the truth it is. Forming a family and having children in a very young age increases the chances of that marriage falling apart. You can’t always expect your high school sweetheart to be your happy husband till death do you part…

OK, I think that’s enough. I’m taking this too far. I know people who are happily partnered decades after they met. Feeling depressed at any age is sad and can easily happen. I am just playing with stereotypes…

How can you really judge a character?

I was thinking about the guy I used to date two years ago, ‘L’. I met him through 'gaydar' and on our first date we went for a scroll and small picnic in Regent’s Park. We met in Camden and I was astounded at how good looking he was. He was approximately my height, strong built, two years older than me, black with very short hair, round face, bright dark eyes raised in Scandinavia with a really nice taste in clothes.

On our way to the park, we stopped by a small super market to get some food and coffee. Next to the crisps stand, a small package had fallen on the floor. ‘L’ stopped to pick it up and put it back to its place, tidying the whole stand in the process. It’s so funny, but this minor detail made me like him. His confident, strong personality that he presented made me like him even more.

Unfortunately, the problems appeared quite soon after that first date. I still haven’t managed to figure him out and I will probably never will. ‘L’ tried and appeared as a quite successful, tough, charming person. He was (or maybe still is) a manager of a major retail clothing shop in central London. However, he was amazingly insecure, still having issues with being a homosexual (and with sexual problems on top of that).

What he managed to do is make me very attracted to him by being (very) hard to get. He didn’t want to meet up very often. He only wanted to meet every week or second week for drinks. He loved his ‘manly’ whiskies. He didn’t want me to meet his circle of friends or him to meet mine. Time was passing and I couldn’t figure out what he wanted from me. He was calling the shots and saying when and where we’d meet. I was just following his lead. I don’t believe that would have happened that easily now. I was quite inexperienced then.


Anyway, after the second month (I believe) our ‘relationship’ evolved from being drinking buddies to having sex / sleeping together after drinks as well. The first time he invited me over, I was so ecstatic about it. However, I then realised that ‘L’ had some erectile problems and the things he was promising to do in bed beforehand were just promises for him to hear. I didn’t need nor wanted any promises of having great sex. I didn’t need a porn star in my bed. I have quite normal expectations. ‘L’ however, had the need to prove to me (and him) that he’s quite the macho fucker (rubbish). Having all these high unmet expectations made him frustrated, grumpy and a pain to be around. It was even having an affect on me doubting myself and feeling undesirable.


Anyway, to cut a story short, ‘L’ was very protective and caring. I had a really nice time when I was out with him. Our problems in bed were still there, but I thought to give him some time and support and that maybe it will go away. We didn’t have a normal relationship and we only met sporadically. He even went home with someone else he met in a bar in our night out (my all time low).

The real reason I was thinking about ‘L’ recently, was the fact that at some point I met a colleague of his from work. When I told him that I sporadically was seeing ‘L’ he was surprised but didn’t admit why. I then found out from a common friend (gossiping) that the colleague had the worst impression of ‘L’. He said that no one liked him at work. That he was very obnoxious, hot tempered with occasional drinking issues. ‘L’ apparently had been into fights with most them. I didn’t like it of course, but I thought that ‘L’ being a manager had some responsibilities that made him the ‘bad’ guy always making them do stuff…

Unfortunately, soon after, I got into a very nasty fight with ‘L’. He got extremely jealous of my friend ‘gb’ because we were very close. I have to admit that I didn’t handle the situation on the beginning very well but it sure wasn’t that bad. I thought that we could talk about it like normal people, but ‘L’ was drinking, screaming and verbally abusing me for the next two days. It was really bad. That fight started on Friday night to end in Wednesday with me not picking up the phone any more when he was calling me.

I was thinking about the whole situation recently because a friend was complaining to me about her friend who was about to marry a real jackass. Why can’t she see for herself what an asshole her future husband is?
With ‘L’ I knew that there were problems. I just foolishly thought that with time they might be solved. I was thinking that he was treating me well. I didn’t believe what his colleague told me. I didn’t see the lack of real friends from his part (always important).
Thankfully, I managed to slam the door (hard) at his face. It wasn’t that easy though. Of course I was the ‘bad’ guy at the end with ‘L’ texting me that I am not giving him another chance that he deserved and that I was being awfully harsh at him (among many other things).

My question is this: How can you really see the signs? How can you distinguish the prince on the shinning armour from the prince with the fake teeth and bad breath? How easily is it to accept your friends’ opinion to stay away?

Private Dinner Party

‘JJ’ had the day off yesterday and he suggested coming to mine to cook dinner after I finish work, just the two of us. Of course I agreed (I am not that stupid). I love the way he cooks. Some people have an imagination and ability to create amazing stuff out of (almost) nothing.

The downside (?) of this whole thing is the amount of stuff he made (and we ate). Here’s a picture:

not finished yet

As you can see there are four pots and pans for the two of us. What is missing is the couscous being done on a separate bowl. For starters we had pancakes (bottom left) with salmon and chives in white wine sauce (bottom left) with a little bit of salad. For main we had the beef stew with carrots and celery (top right) with the butternut squash mash (top left) and the couscous (couldn’t fit in the picture)! Fortunately we didn’t finish everything, we simply couldn’t!

That man talks straight to my stomach…

Anyway, this is an example to demonstrate how being in a relationship sometimes is bad for your waistline. I am taking him running though tonight. Of course we’re going to a very nice Japanese restaurant after that! Sushi is healthy!

On a different matter, I finished my homework for school for tomorrow! I’ll pack my lunch in my lovely X-Men lunchbox and be ready! Not really, I don’t have a lunchbox. Maybe I should get one…

Have a lovely weekend everyone! enjoy...