I work in a relatively big
company. Our IT department is more than 100 people and if you add the Business Analysts,
Project Managers and other related personnel, my immediate work colleagues are
quite a few. Of course, in this group
there’s a number of homosexuals in various degrees of ‘closet-ness’. At first,
of course I thought I was the only one. Then I met a couple of more gay people
that told me about some other employees of the company. Yes, gossip is a
favourite pastime for us as well.
In general, I‘m not overly open
about my personal life. There’s an increasing number of colleagues that know
about JJ and my life. However, these colleagues are the ones that I’m starting
to develop a more friendly relationship with. In a way, I’m trying to keep my
personal and professional life apart. I’m not sure why I do that. Especially in
large groups, when other people talk about their husbands, wives or children I
remain quiet. Would I still do that if I was in a heterosexual relationship? Maybe.
And I say maybe because in my previous job I was openly gay. The company was
tiny. We were 14 people all of us and I was generally more at ease there, but
still didn’t talk about my personal life much. Some of my old colleagues had
met JJ, but I still didn't talk much about him.
There are some other factors to
consider about my current employment arrangements and secretive attitude. The
very first manager I had was a weird character. I know him much better now and
I can see his weird (?) sense of humour, but back then, he was intimidating. On
my very first day he talked about the gayphone (iPhone to you and me) and about
some dykes he used to know. These statements unsettled me and during that first
week of employment I remained quiet about my personal life and it’s been like
that ever since. I've also seen some backstabbing happening and I refuse to
give to anyone any more ammunition.
As I mentioned before, I've now
met some gay people in the office. And a couple of them want, in a way, to
create a ‘brotherhood’. They want us to start meeting regularly for lunch or
after work outings. Just us, the gays. I don’t generally object to that, but to
be honest I’m not that eager to do it either. Just because they’re gay, it doesn’t
really mean I like all of them. Also, I don’t think that marginalising
ourselves like that is a very good thing. I wouldn't like to associate only
with Caucasians, or only with males, or only with Greeks, or only with people
that like comic books. Yes, it’s nice to have things in common with people you spend
time with, but forming a clique is not something I’ll easily encourage.
I've decided to keep an open mind.
My concern is the fact that one of the guys eager to create the brotherhood
seems a bit sleazy. Maybe it’s just me being paranoid. I might go out with them
for a drink or two and see how it goes. Every day lunch break might be a no no
though…
Oh my, this hit home. I know one lesbian at work, she used to be my supervisor until she changed departments. Now, I am alone (though she didn't know I was gay). I am definitely NOT out at work, and given the atmosphere, I doubt that will change any time soon. These people are far right conservatives, and not likely to accept a gay 55 year old man who works in schools. We are all pedophiles, right? Plus, with this state not having ANY LGBT workplace protections (or any other protections, really, given it's an employment at will state), I shall not give them any reason to not want me employed.
ReplyDeleteI agree, cliques are not good. On the other hand, affinity groups, such as the one at the Federal Reserve Bank in Richmond that flew a rainbow flag last year during June for its LGBT group, are probably OK. But I suspect a high-rise houses more than a few gay folks!
I think you should at least give it a chance. Drinks every now and then. Who knows...
Peace <3
Jay
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. How come there are no LGBT workplace protection in place? There should be. I know so many gay teachers here and they're fine being out at work. I agree on you on giving it a chance. I will see how it turns out before I make up my mind. I'll keep you posted...
Deletejust so long as it doesn't lead to group sex.
ReplyDeleteWhy not? :-p
DeleteApart from being very happily partnered, I would strongly recommend against 'dating' someone you work with. It could lead to very bad situations
i can relate to your attitude about not really wanting to form a clique at work with people just because you all happen to be gay. i mean personalities, and whether or not you get along or not is more important, right?
ReplyDeleteas far as i know, there are 3 other gay guys at my work. i socialize with one of them outside work because he is really funny and i like his personality. the other guy is nice, but we don't have a lot in common, so i don't see him outside work. the third one…i can barely stand to say hello to him, he is such an idiot. just the thought of socializing with him because he is gay makes me want to throw up. haha.
Exactly my point. I don't want to socialise with people I don't really like just because they're gay. And I don't want to form any kind of cliques. I'd like to think that I can remain above these things.
Delete