Separate Holidays

(I've written this document on Friday but I'm posting it now)

Have you ever considered having separate holidays from your other half? Was it a need or a choice? Have you done it? Did it affect your relationship positively or negatively?

As I mentioned in my last post, I’m going to Greece via Zurich tonight. I plan to stay there for a whole week visiting my parents and seeing old friends. ‘JJ’ is not coming with me. The main reason is the tricky situation with my parents and the other reason was the fact that he didn’t know if he could take any days off during August. Yes, my parents know I’m gay and that I’m living with him. That doesn’t mean however that they’re accepting or they’d like to meet him and have him staying at their place. It’s the elephant in the room situation. JJ is generally never mentioned by them, especially by my father. I have been mentioning him in conversations and I’m always on about things we’ve been doing together to show them how happy he makes me. My mother is happy for me but can't really take my place and stand up to my father.

I’ll give you an example of the situation and how ridiculous it is. My brother and I bought my parents for Christmas an ipad! I thought that they’d love the idea of skyping me using it. It’s very easy and portable. They have never done it. I think they’re afraid they might see JJ in the background or something. They’ve never even been curious to see the house I now live in. It will be very interesting next year at my brother’s wedding…

However, JJ was told that he must have a week off the exact same week I’m away. He was told that very recently to our annoyance. We could have organised something together and I could go to Greece some other time. So, he decided against staying home, bored, waiting for me to come back, checked destinations online and booked to spend some days in Berlin. I’m so glad for him. Berlin is a very nice destination which I assume he’ll like.

When I mentioned to a common Greek friend of mine that I’m off to Greece and JJ’s off to Berlin, he was kind of shocked. His first reply was: ‘And you’re going to let him go?’ Knowing him, I wasn’t that surprised. There are many people that can be possessive like that in a relationship. Think of a typical Greek, Italian, Spanish or generally Latin person. Stereotypically speaking they like to be in control, knowing at any given moment where their partner is and what he/she is doing. Forgive me for using that stereotype but I guess you know what I mean.

But I’m not like that. I trust JJ and I want him to have a great time. I don’t think it would do us any good if I demanded from him not to go on holidays while I’m away. There are no double standards when it comes to us and I believe that with no trust, there can’t easily be a good relationship. I do feel a bit sorry for him for having to go alone, in a sense that it would be much better if we went together. We always have so much fun when vacationing together, which brings me to the second issue of the day.

I still need to take a week off till the end of the year and JJ was supposed to get some days off from work in late October, early November, so we were planning with friends this time to go away. However, apparently, things changed at his work and his holidays might be cancelled. What am I to do? I still need to book holidays otherwise I’ll lose them and I have the invitation of going away but I feel bad leaving him here again. It’s not his fault that his job is causing him problems. Maybe I could go away but for fewer days that previously planned and stay home to get some rest keeping him company. Being the person he is, he encourages me to go away for as long as I want…