Insecurities

Insecurities; everybody has them. Even the person considered to be the most beautiful, successful, talented in the whole world will have moments of self-doubt. Let’s take an example. Who is considered to be at the top of his game these days? James Cameron? Don’t you think that at times he doesn’t think that his movies might suck?  Sam Worthington? Kate Middleton? I strongly believe that at times they might be bothered by something on their looks, like a nose, skinny legs or something of that sort!

It’s like a dark cloud getting in the way of the sun. You can’t help it. It will appear, maybe when less expected. It might not even be about your looks but about a skill, or lack of it. It’s how you deal with it and how much it affects you that counts. In a society driven by materialism, vanity and narcissism, the existence of photoshoped celebrities with plastic surgeons on their speed dials, I fear, increases the number of people feeling bad about themselves. The extreme level of this phenomenon leads people to anorexia, bulimia or even depression. Unfortunately, nowadays finding people with low self-esteem is not that difficult to distinguish. They can be easily spotted at work or on the road, with their heads low, trying to remain invisible, hidden from the world. These are however extreme cases, but they are real nonetheless.

For me, the situation is not anywhere near that dire. As a normal human I have my insecurities. Sometimes these dark clouds appear while I’m at the gym. I have to admit that in occasions I feel I don’t belong there with the rest of these fit, good looking people or that my efforts are wasted and that I should simply give up. These thoughts come to me more frequent when I’m really struggling to do an exercise, I’m tired and people next to me do the same thing with more kilos, seemingly effortless.

But then, I try to think that they do must have their insecurities of their own. I’m in the same gym, trying (struggling) but at least I’m there, doing the right thing. I don’t have a six pack and I can’t do pull-ups properly. My biceps and shoulders are weak, but at least my triceps and back are strong. What if I finish last (or next to last) with my running club? I might feel bad that they have to wait for me sometimes in big junctions or at the finish line, but at least I’m there. I will get better. I might have a little bit of a muffin top, but they are also called ‘love handles’! No one is perfect. I will accept the challenge and I will keep on going with my head high, smiling.

Guilty feelings

Guilty feelings

I feel a bit guilty about my small outburst the other day on my guest. What I haven’t mentioned is the fact that he’s 25 years old! I wouldn’t be so harsh on him if he was younger! However, I do expect some basic normal things from people his age like a pinch or maturity or a touch of responsibility. Yesterday, when he returned from his apartment hunt, I was doing the dishes. I told him three times to wait for me to finish, relax and sit down before starting his daily report on what happened. Of course without even listening to what I was saying, he kept on going about his troubles. He said that he found the most amazing place ever, with everything he needed and more, the house was simply astonishing. However, he didn’t book it because it was far from the closest tube station! So, I did my research. According to Google Maps, the house is 13 minutes’ walk from the station and there are also 2 busses that can take him there in 7 minutes! Am I wrong to argue with him on that? What was he thinking and he didn’t book it? Then he kept on going that other agents were showing him places in abysmal situation, basements with no light, etc! What did he expect? With his way of thinking he’ll never find a place. This is not Greece, things work differently! You need to act fast and wisely. I’m not going to be providing him free accommodation forever and I fear this will not end up well.

Wow, sorry. That turned up to be my second rant in a row. I promise I’ll behave and stop. I’ll just shut up now.

The weather’s been brilliant the last couple of days. It smells like summer already, although I know this is just an illusion that will go away soon. But look at these pictures I took during my lunch break today. No cloud in the sky!

News Update

I haven’t had much time to blog this month. I try to reach as close as possible to 10 posts per month but that of course doesn’t frequently happen with my schedule. There are so many things happening in my household that I don’t really know where to start. So, I’ll try to start from the beginning, chronologically.

The previous weekend, almost 10 days ago, a friend of mine came to UK from Greece and he’s been staying over since. He’ll soon start studying Opera singing and he’s looking for a place to rent. While viewing apartments he’s staying over at my place. He wants to become a tenor and from I’ve heard, although not an expert, and the feedback he’s been getting I believe that he’s good. He’s got a position already in one of the most prestigious establishments of the country. He’s generally a nice guy, however he can be quite immature and a major drama queen. I assume its normal (to a degree) for artists to be a bit self-involved but the situation gets a bit out of hand sometimes. He’s a major mummy’s boy and his understanding of the world is very bad. Especially for an environment like London’s, things can get tough. I’m not going to go into details. We’ve been having some arguments over the past days that he’s apartment searching. His understanding of the reality is a bit unrealistic. I can’t spend hours explaining to him over and over the some simple things or try to pamper him to feel better. I am being a bit harsh but life’s tough. Deal with it.

An example of a conversion we had and things I’ve said:
‘There’s no point in telling us you want to commit suicide because you can’t find a place. If you want to look for a flat, get up early in the morning and start looking. I’m definitely not waking you up. You have an alarm in your phone. Learn how to use it. Grow some…’

OK, after this small rant, I feel so much better!

On a very different note I joined a running club! YAY! I’ve been meaning to do that for ages but I never actually made up my mind! So, the opportunity was found by accident. My manager told me that there’s a club that meets after work hours and runs from the centre of London towards various destinations around the city. He was given a leaflet by them. So, instead of commuting, taking the tube in busy rush hour, we run along the tube line up to a station much closer to home. We also had a guy with a car carrying our bags to the finish station! Their pace was a bit faster than I normally run but that’s a challenge I’m willing to accept! So, I ran with them once the past week, but I’ll join them this week as well.

Speaking of running, I did my 10k race on Sunday morning in Wimbledon! It was very nice. The route was a bit steep at places and I had to stop a couple of times to catch my breath, but that’s fine. I finished the whole route in 1:10. That’s not the best of times but I’m happy I did at least that with the lack of cardio exercise. Now, with my new running club I hope to get much better though!

that's me at the end of my run, sweaty but happy, with my medal!